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sga_flashficTitle: Shopping Tip #4
Author: Meret
Genre: Humor, Slash
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine. Their uniforms would be much skimpier if they were. These characters are owned by MGM and the Sci Fi channel. No profit or copyright infringement is intended.
Thank you to my wonderful and speedy beta reader Kodiak Bear! :)
Author's Notes at the end.
"I said I was sorry!" John said, staring at Rodney, who was lying on his side in the bed, steadfastly ignoring him. How many times did he have to apologize? "Come on, buddy! It's been three days. You can’t ignore me forever." More silence. Even the back of Rodney’s head looked like it was accusing him, John thought, shifting in the chair uncomfortably. "How was I supposed to know you'd be allergic to the lube?" At least that got a reaction, he thought, biting his lip at the expression on Rodney's face when he rolled over to face John. Wow. So that's what it took to render Rodney speechless. "Um, I'm guessing your mouth hanging open doesn't mean you want to suck me off."
"It said ORANGE on the tube!!"
Wincing at Rodney's volume, John was very glad the rooms in Atlantis were sound proof. "I thought that was just the color! It's not as if it was flavored." Besides, it was on sale. Who the hell ever heard of putting citric acid in lube any how.
"I don't know how they let you operate a gun much less multi-million dollar helicopters! All those hair products have affected your brain!"
Rodney's face turning that red couldn't be good for him. He reached out, trying to calm him down. "Rodney --"
"Don't touch me! Or smile at me! That's what caused all this in the first place. In fact just stay at least three feet from me at all times," he said, flicking his fingers at John.
"It can't still be that bad; you're talking to me again." He *was* sorry, and not just because they hadn't had sex since it happened. Anyway, Carson said it should be better by now.
"I have a RASH in my ASS!!!"
Okay, maybe not. "Look on the bright side; at least it didn't cause anaphylactic shock. . . . Plus, that kind of rhymes."
"The bright side is that I didn't die a slow, horrible death by suffocation?"
Well, when you said it *that* way.
"Oh, yes. Thank you, Colonel. I feel *much* better now. And yes, *rash* and *ass* 'kind of rhyme'. It's called assonance. Wipe that smirk off your face! What are you, 12?"
What? It was a funny word! John sighed, putting his hands in his pockets and leaning back in the chair as Rodney turned back over to face the wall with a huff. Oh! "I have some more of that ointment Carson prescribed for you," he said, taking it out.
"Give it to me," Rodney demanded, reaching an arm back without looking.
Oh, no. He wasn't giving up the tactical advantage that easily. "How 'bout I put it on for you?" he said, lowering his voice. John cautiously stroked Rodney's back, massaging in just the right spots. He didn't think he'd been this careful the first time he felt up Marilyn Lewhike under the pier. Of course, his first girlfriend hadn't threatened to put Nair in his shampoo. He felt Rodney gradually relax. No wonder the man liked cats; he'd be purring if he could. John slowly drew the sheet back as he worked his way down, letting out a soft gasp when he realized Rodney wasn't wearing any shorts. He wasn’t wearing anything at all, other than his faded t-shirt. His dick hardened at the sight of Rodney's ass. Damn, he'd missed looking at that. It was amazing how quickly it took his body to feel deprived after having regular sex for a couple of months.
"What?!" Rodney looked back at him, suspicious at the sudden silence. "It's better exposed to the air. Besides, the boxers were making my skin even more irritated."
"Of course. You have sensitive skin," John whispered almost reverently, petting him. Very sensitive skin. Softer than flower petals, though Rodney would never let him live that down if he ever told him that. Down, Light Saber, he thought as his cock grew more insistent, pushing against his inseam. This was for Rodney. Of course if Rodney wanted to suck him off afterwards, it's not like John would say no.
Rodney glared at him for a moment, finally deciding he wasn't being mocked. He studied him while John held his breath, trying his best to radiate apologetic sincerity. Apparently satisfied, Rodney settled on his stomach, his head turned toward him this time John was pleased to note, as he sat next to him on the bed.
He'd almost forgotten how incredible Rodney tasted as he kissed the smooth skin on his ass, kneading, licking, drinking in the moans, increasing shifts as Rodney rubbed himself against the bed. Moving closer to the center, trailing his tongue, almost dizzy with desire. He longed to continue, but Rodney had hygiene issues when it came to rimming, so he regretfully stopped, giving one last kiss, before spreading his cheeks. The puckered skin was definitely more irritated than he was used to seeing it, and he wondered suddenly if this was a good idea after all. "Are you sure about this?'
Rodney popped his head up. "Don't you *dare* stop now!!"
He'd never actually heard Rodney *growl* before, his cock jumping in approval. "Okay," he chuckled, "but tell me if it hurts."
"Yes, yes. I'll tell you. Just do it," he said quickly, wriggling in anticipation.
John hesitated. "I really am sorry, Rodney. It was an accident. I wouldn't . . . . "
Rodney looked at him. "I know. It was just," his words lowered to a whisper, "not my most dignified experience. There's the *remote* possibility I *might* have over-reacted. Somewhat."
John squeezed his hand gratefully.
Rodney cleared his throat. "Now can we *please* get back to your groveling?" his voice returning to normal volume.
"Is that what I'm doing?" He unscrewed the top from the small tube. Squeezing out some on his finger, John resolutely refused to think about how he'd explain needing more medication for Rodney again the next time he saw Carson. "I thought I was finger fucking you," he said, smoothing the ointment over Rodney's ass hole.
"I'm sure a man of even your intelligence is perfectly capable of doing both," he said smugly, spreading his legs.
Grinning in relief at the reemergence of his Rodney, he carefully eased a well coated finger into him, watching for any signs of discomfort as he fondled him. Rodney only sighed in pleasure, angling his ass up for more. John loved being inside Rodney. Fingers, cock - it didn't matter. Inside that tight heat, feeling Rodney unravel around him as he added another finger, more responsive than even a puddle jumper, the best kind of flying. Caressing his prostate on each stroke, Rodney started to rock with his movement, gathering his knees beneath him for traction.
Unzipping with his other hand, John sighed in relief as he brought out his cock, stroking himself in time with his fingers inside Rodney. He was never buying the lube again. Never chance losing this for even a day. Rodney started what John thought of as his bliss babble, drowning out some insistent noise John could dimly hear in the background.
"Feelsgreatitchedlikemadcouldn'tgetmyfingersenoughyesrightthereohfuckyesharder."
Long, hard movements in and out, just the way Rodney liked it, groaning when John held him still while he leaned in and licked and sucked his balls, loving the weight on his tongue, rolling them gently, breathing in Rodney's scent.
"Fuck!" Rodney grunted, as John pounded into his prostate.
"Not yet", he gritted out, "but when you're better a hive ship won't be able to keep us from it."
Felt so good, pumping his cock harder. Rodney reached up and began jacking himself, faster, it all moved faster, panting as they found the perfect rhythm, Rodney's words speeding them along in an erotic percussion of syllables, lightning zinging down his nerves, enough sensation to power a ZPM, so great, so perfect. Close, they were both close. Spiraling tighter and tighter. Just a little bit more, just a little further.
"Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay check in!"
John jumped in surprise, looking around for Elizabeth wildly until he realized he was hearing her over the loudspeaker.
"Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay respond now!"
No! Not now! He looked at his so-hard-it-hurt erection and whimpered, reaching for his head set. It's squawking must of been the noise he'd vaguely heard earlier. Rodney screamed into his pillow in frustration, hitting it with his fist as John handed him his own radio. It was after 10 PM. There was no way this would be *good* news.
"Sheppard, here."
Later, while they were once again battling Wraith for survival of the city, Rodney would demand to know what the hell he'd been doing tempting fate by saying something as asinine as "a hive ship wouldn't keep them from it."
And tell him to stop smiling at the word asinine.
End
Author's Notes:
1. Shopping Tip # 4 - Always read the label.
2. Some lubes really do contain citric acid; it's a natural preservative. I know that's probably not the component of citrus Rodney is allergic too since it's present in other fruits too, but since SGA has the Wraith evolving from humans just being on the same planet as Iratus bugs, I don't feel bad about taking artistic license for a humor story.
3. Nair - A brand of depilatory lotion.
Author: Meret
Genre: Humor, Slash
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine. Their uniforms would be much skimpier if they were. These characters are owned by MGM and the Sci Fi channel. No profit or copyright infringement is intended.
Thank you to my wonderful and speedy beta reader Kodiak Bear! :)
Author's Notes at the end.
"I said I was sorry!" John said, staring at Rodney, who was lying on his side in the bed, steadfastly ignoring him. How many times did he have to apologize? "Come on, buddy! It's been three days. You can’t ignore me forever." More silence. Even the back of Rodney’s head looked like it was accusing him, John thought, shifting in the chair uncomfortably. "How was I supposed to know you'd be allergic to the lube?" At least that got a reaction, he thought, biting his lip at the expression on Rodney's face when he rolled over to face John. Wow. So that's what it took to render Rodney speechless. "Um, I'm guessing your mouth hanging open doesn't mean you want to suck me off."
"It said ORANGE on the tube!!"
Wincing at Rodney's volume, John was very glad the rooms in Atlantis were sound proof. "I thought that was just the color! It's not as if it was flavored." Besides, it was on sale. Who the hell ever heard of putting citric acid in lube any how.
"I don't know how they let you operate a gun much less multi-million dollar helicopters! All those hair products have affected your brain!"
Rodney's face turning that red couldn't be good for him. He reached out, trying to calm him down. "Rodney --"
"Don't touch me! Or smile at me! That's what caused all this in the first place. In fact just stay at least three feet from me at all times," he said, flicking his fingers at John.
"It can't still be that bad; you're talking to me again." He *was* sorry, and not just because they hadn't had sex since it happened. Anyway, Carson said it should be better by now.
"I have a RASH in my ASS!!!"
Okay, maybe not. "Look on the bright side; at least it didn't cause anaphylactic shock. . . . Plus, that kind of rhymes."
"The bright side is that I didn't die a slow, horrible death by suffocation?"
Well, when you said it *that* way.
"Oh, yes. Thank you, Colonel. I feel *much* better now. And yes, *rash* and *ass* 'kind of rhyme'. It's called assonance. Wipe that smirk off your face! What are you, 12?"
What? It was a funny word! John sighed, putting his hands in his pockets and leaning back in the chair as Rodney turned back over to face the wall with a huff. Oh! "I have some more of that ointment Carson prescribed for you," he said, taking it out.
"Give it to me," Rodney demanded, reaching an arm back without looking.
Oh, no. He wasn't giving up the tactical advantage that easily. "How 'bout I put it on for you?" he said, lowering his voice. John cautiously stroked Rodney's back, massaging in just the right spots. He didn't think he'd been this careful the first time he felt up Marilyn Lewhike under the pier. Of course, his first girlfriend hadn't threatened to put Nair in his shampoo. He felt Rodney gradually relax. No wonder the man liked cats; he'd be purring if he could. John slowly drew the sheet back as he worked his way down, letting out a soft gasp when he realized Rodney wasn't wearing any shorts. He wasn’t wearing anything at all, other than his faded t-shirt. His dick hardened at the sight of Rodney's ass. Damn, he'd missed looking at that. It was amazing how quickly it took his body to feel deprived after having regular sex for a couple of months.
"What?!" Rodney looked back at him, suspicious at the sudden silence. "It's better exposed to the air. Besides, the boxers were making my skin even more irritated."
"Of course. You have sensitive skin," John whispered almost reverently, petting him. Very sensitive skin. Softer than flower petals, though Rodney would never let him live that down if he ever told him that. Down, Light Saber, he thought as his cock grew more insistent, pushing against his inseam. This was for Rodney. Of course if Rodney wanted to suck him off afterwards, it's not like John would say no.
Rodney glared at him for a moment, finally deciding he wasn't being mocked. He studied him while John held his breath, trying his best to radiate apologetic sincerity. Apparently satisfied, Rodney settled on his stomach, his head turned toward him this time John was pleased to note, as he sat next to him on the bed.
He'd almost forgotten how incredible Rodney tasted as he kissed the smooth skin on his ass, kneading, licking, drinking in the moans, increasing shifts as Rodney rubbed himself against the bed. Moving closer to the center, trailing his tongue, almost dizzy with desire. He longed to continue, but Rodney had hygiene issues when it came to rimming, so he regretfully stopped, giving one last kiss, before spreading his cheeks. The puckered skin was definitely more irritated than he was used to seeing it, and he wondered suddenly if this was a good idea after all. "Are you sure about this?'
Rodney popped his head up. "Don't you *dare* stop now!!"
He'd never actually heard Rodney *growl* before, his cock jumping in approval. "Okay," he chuckled, "but tell me if it hurts."
"Yes, yes. I'll tell you. Just do it," he said quickly, wriggling in anticipation.
John hesitated. "I really am sorry, Rodney. It was an accident. I wouldn't . . . . "
Rodney looked at him. "I know. It was just," his words lowered to a whisper, "not my most dignified experience. There's the *remote* possibility I *might* have over-reacted. Somewhat."
John squeezed his hand gratefully.
Rodney cleared his throat. "Now can we *please* get back to your groveling?" his voice returning to normal volume.
"Is that what I'm doing?" He unscrewed the top from the small tube. Squeezing out some on his finger, John resolutely refused to think about how he'd explain needing more medication for Rodney again the next time he saw Carson. "I thought I was finger fucking you," he said, smoothing the ointment over Rodney's ass hole.
"I'm sure a man of even your intelligence is perfectly capable of doing both," he said smugly, spreading his legs.
Grinning in relief at the reemergence of his Rodney, he carefully eased a well coated finger into him, watching for any signs of discomfort as he fondled him. Rodney only sighed in pleasure, angling his ass up for more. John loved being inside Rodney. Fingers, cock - it didn't matter. Inside that tight heat, feeling Rodney unravel around him as he added another finger, more responsive than even a puddle jumper, the best kind of flying. Caressing his prostate on each stroke, Rodney started to rock with his movement, gathering his knees beneath him for traction.
Unzipping with his other hand, John sighed in relief as he brought out his cock, stroking himself in time with his fingers inside Rodney. He was never buying the lube again. Never chance losing this for even a day. Rodney started what John thought of as his bliss babble, drowning out some insistent noise John could dimly hear in the background.
"Feelsgreatitchedlikemadcouldn'tgetmyfingersenoughyesrightthereohfuckyesharder."
Long, hard movements in and out, just the way Rodney liked it, groaning when John held him still while he leaned in and licked and sucked his balls, loving the weight on his tongue, rolling them gently, breathing in Rodney's scent.
"Fuck!" Rodney grunted, as John pounded into his prostate.
"Not yet", he gritted out, "but when you're better a hive ship won't be able to keep us from it."
Felt so good, pumping his cock harder. Rodney reached up and began jacking himself, faster, it all moved faster, panting as they found the perfect rhythm, Rodney's words speeding them along in an erotic percussion of syllables, lightning zinging down his nerves, enough sensation to power a ZPM, so great, so perfect. Close, they were both close. Spiraling tighter and tighter. Just a little bit more, just a little further.
"Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay check in!"
John jumped in surprise, looking around for Elizabeth wildly until he realized he was hearing her over the loudspeaker.
"Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay respond now!"
No! Not now! He looked at his so-hard-it-hurt erection and whimpered, reaching for his head set. It's squawking must of been the noise he'd vaguely heard earlier. Rodney screamed into his pillow in frustration, hitting it with his fist as John handed him his own radio. It was after 10 PM. There was no way this would be *good* news.
"Sheppard, here."
Later, while they were once again battling Wraith for survival of the city, Rodney would demand to know what the hell he'd been doing tempting fate by saying something as asinine as "a hive ship wouldn't keep them from it."
And tell him to stop smiling at the word asinine.
End
Author's Notes:
1. Shopping Tip # 4 - Always read the label.
2. Some lubes really do contain citric acid; it's a natural preservative. I know that's probably not the component of citrus Rodney is allergic too since it's present in other fruits too, but since SGA has the Wraith evolving from humans just being on the same planet as Iratus bugs, I don't feel bad about taking artistic license for a humor story.
3. Nair - A brand of depilatory lotion.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-14 03:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2006-09-14 05:23 pm (UTC)And I *love* the ending!
(no subject)
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Date: 2006-09-16 12:38 pm (UTC)I think I may be dead of dorkdom.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-16 03:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2006-09-19 12:32 pm (UTC)Anyway, loved this, loved this, loved this.
Plus I have a big thing for scratching itches, so yay for that.
Also, who would buy orange lube, even if it was just the colour? Imagine looking down and seeing bright orange, you'd think you had a disease! Silly John!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-19 09:02 pm (UTC)Hee! But you and John would get along great! *pets*
Imagine looking down and seeing bright orange, you'd think you had a disease! Silly John!
But it was on sale! ;)
Thanks for the feedback! :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-25 04:45 am (UTC)Rodney is probably allergic to salicylates rather than citric acid - I only mention it because I did a ton of research, and citric acid is a very rare and serious type of allergy. But he could be allergic to the orange dye in the lube.
Great fic! I love the idea of John bringing Rodney off while applying the medicated ointment.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-25 05:02 am (UTC)I quit trying to figure out stuff like that the first time I heard about glow-in-the-dark condoms. *g*
But he could be allergic to the orange dye in the lube.
Yep. John doesn't realize how prevalent citric acid is.
Great fic! I love the idea of John bringing Rodney off while applying the medicated ointment.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
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Date: 2006-09-28 04:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2006-09-28 04:35 pm (UTC)