Warm Fuzzies, by Niqaeli (First Contact challenge)

[niqaeli]

Title: Warm Fuzzies
Author: niqaeli
Genre: Gen, really.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, content some readers may find disturbing.
Summary: John Sheppard has a very bad day.
Notes: thete1 and LJ comics fandom warped and perverted what little was left of my, uh, *snort*. Innocence. saeva is mostly to blame, though, as she encouraged it, did a quick beta, and suggested the title.


-beginne-

More disturbing than the tentacles that had entirely enfolded him and were doing things he was determinedly not thinking about were the thoughts that kept intruding.

Warm snugglemate.

Like that one.

Ford and Teyla would be showing up soon, with some appropriately placed C-4. Any minute now. It would not be a dignified rescue, but it'd save his ass. In so many ways.

Unhappy?

Yes, yes, he was unhappy. While there was, at least, adequate lubrication for the things the tentacles were doing, that was not really a happy thought, as god only knew what the lube actually was.

He'd tried actually being pleasant for once. No sarcasm, all by the book. Weir would have been so proud. Just a simple, cautious, "Hi, there. We mean you no harm."

Either it had worked disturbing well or not at all. Regardless, the tentacles had extended, gently waved in front of him for a minute, and then he couldn't see anything, and the only thing he could feel other than slick, cool ropes around him was a sensation of motion.

Fucking aliens.

Literally.

Dry warm unhappy?

...yeah. Though not so much with the dry, or the warm.

However, Ford and Teyla were coming, and they'd both keep their mouths shut. And thank god McKay hadn't been with them for the beta-site scouting mission. Some non-vital system or another had gone south, but they needed a beta-site, so the three of them had been off to see the Wizard.

[lovewarmdrylovelove]

At least the tentacles were writhing less frantically than they had been. And where the hell was Ford, anyway?

Boom. Boom. Kaboom.

...that might be him. Please god, let that be him.

[hurtsnooohurtshurtsHURTSHURTSHURTS]

"Sir? Are you all right?" And god bless him, there was Ford, holding a knife.

"Well, it's about damn time, Ford," Sheppard said, blinking slime out of his eyes.

"You are unharmed, Major?" Teyla asked quietly, pulling the tentacles free.

"For a certain value of unharmed, yeah, sure," he said. "Just... help me up, okay? I don't think my legs are gonna hold my weight right now."

Well, he'd called it, anyway. It wasn't a dignified rescue, though they had, at least, found his clothing on the way in.

"Have I ever mentioned that I hate my life?" Sheppard asked, as he leaned into Teyla's support.

"Yes, sir, I think you have," Ford said.

"Just checking. Wouldn't want it to go unnoted."

"Of course not, sir."

"Oh, and remind me to chew Weir out when we get back," Sheppard added, as Ford dialed the gate.

"Of course, sir."

---

[whywhywarmdryhurtuswhyyyy?]

-ende-

Comments

[verstehen.livejournal.com]

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. <3

[niqaeli]

...heh. Thanks. *bows*

[amezri.livejournal.com]

*blinks* OMG. Tentacle sex. *twitch*

Having been in anime fandoms... tentacles.. uhm. omg.

[niqaeli]

*muffled snicker*

Um, yeah. My brain is a strange and twisty place. I came close to actually making the sex explicit, which. Probably just tells you how warped how I am.

[dzurlady.livejournal.com]

...so close! Must... have... explicit... tentacle... porn

[kimera.livejournal.com]

Awww, poor little tentacle aliens! ;)

[niqaeli]

I know! So abused! Zie just wanted a snugglemate.

...I am so writing a sequel to this. The possibilities are just so amusing and traumatic.

[astolat]

Oh good! Because I was going to be all -- but, but, but -- the poor alien!!! (Also, clearly what this fandom is *crying out for* is more tentacle porn. *grins*)

[delurker.livejournal.com]

<3!
This is great. I love the alien's thoughts! But, poor alien being blown up. Aww.
more?

[niqaeli]

Hee. Glad you liked.

There will probably be more. As I have terribly amusing dialogue running through my head, and, well, John!abuse is so much fun.

[delurker.livejournal.com]

Yay! *does the happy dance*

[spikedluv]

LOL *ahem* That was so...horrible. Poor John. *snicker*

[niqaeli]

Heh. He abuses so prettily, and amusingly, doesn't he?

[scrollgirl.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahaha! Having been totally and happily warped and perverted scarred for life by Te's tentacle porn, I can say that this is a fantastic addition to my collection wrong and evil and wrong.

Keep up the good work! If you wrote a sequel to this, I would never, ever read it. Ever. Hee!

[niqaeli]

I know, she's evil! She got me into comics in the first place and then she went and wrote tentacle porn.

Thank you, I am attempting to just that right now. That's good, because I would never, ever write it. Ever. It is wrong and evil and wrong and I am a very good person. Really. *solemn nod*

[dzurlady.livejournal.com]

Aww! That's so cute! And it plays to my tentacle kink, which is not something I ever thought I would say, but you would be surprised what's out there (although sadly not enough). And it's funny, too! It's hard for me to pick a favourite bit, but I guess it would be this: Yes, yes, he was unhappy. While there was, at least, adequate lubrication for the things the tentacles were doing, that was not really a happy thought, as god only knew what the lube actually was.

[niqaeli]

Thank you! *grins*

Also! Your ljname! *flails at you* Another Brust fan! We need all the people we can get in our incredibly tiny fandom! Also, you might be interested in this, which is a Dragaera ficathon thingy that jmtorres is putting together. *is a shameless whore for more Dragaerafic*

[dzurlady.livejournal.com]

*flails back* Yay! It's odd - suddenly I'm meeting Brust fans all over the place. Odd but good. *pets fandom*
Also, you might be interested in this, which is a Dragaera ficathon thingy that jmtorres is putting together.
I would sign up, but I don't really write fic and it's scary. But I shall keep an eye on it, in order to profit from the efforts of others, and in an attempt to increase the fruits of my not-labour I shall pimp it to others. :)

[sweeneybird.livejournal.com]

okay, I know I'm a big freak, but I felt really sorry for John's tentacle friend. All s/he/it wanted was warmdrylove!

:^)

[calathea.livejournal.com]

No, not a freak! I was thinking exactly the same thing! *Poor* tentacle-y alien, all it wants is a snugglemate, and who can blame it for wanting to snuggle John? It seems excessively cruel to blow it up just for needing a hug!

[niqaeli]

Well, talking nicely to it ended up with John being violated horribly, so... blowing up was probably the way to go.

That said, I really do feel badly for Snugglemate. It simply doesn't understand.

[morwen_peredhil]

Hee! (I just knew someone was going to write tentacle porn.) It's very funny, and I feel sorry for both John and the snugglemate-seeking alien.

[niqaeli]

...it just sort of. Had to happen. Every fandom needs some tentacle porn! (Though, well, I kind of fell down on the porn aspect. But there's always next time!)

[kalikahuntress.livejournal.com]

Oh the ending just killed me, i cant stop laughing. Poor perverted tentacle alien thing, it just wanted John's love*snerk*

Best tentacle porn ever!!:)

[casspeach.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is so sad, who wouldn't want a snugglemate? and funny and lovely. Interesting voice you've given to the alien too.

[rhymebunny.livejournal.com]

Hehe, that was great. I love the wierd.

[adelynne.livejournal.com]

Warm snugglemate.

It was at this point that I knew your sense of humor was just the kind I liked. The whole thing was incredibly hillarious and the title fits so perfectly.

[amarin-rose.livejournal.com]

I feel so sorry for the poor tentacle-thing. *shakes head* I must be even more warped than you... Can't wait to read that sequel! :D