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sga_flashficTitle: Stuck
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
crownglass39
Rating: adult
Wordcount: ~1000
Summary: John and Rodney are quite literally stuck together. They should have cleaned up before going to sleep.
A/N: I wrote this for the flashfic challenge but it will also part of my Bad Sex Series. The burn part really did happen to me about a bazillion years ago when I was dating my husband. I never had a repeat of that incident.
This is unbeta-d cause I’m always jumping the gun on my poor beta. Beta'd by Jude, although all remaining mistakes are my own.
Also, for some weird reason, I always like to post on Sunday.
~*~
“Ow! Stop moving already!” Rodney bitched, putting his hand on John’s shoulder to stop his incessant squirming.
“What are you whining about? I’m the one with all the chest hair!” Thankfully, John stopped moving. Waking up with their chests and bellies stuck together wasn’t the most compromising positions they’ve ever found themselves in, but it was pretty damn close. Rodney had the bright idea last night that it would be fun to come over each other; and it had been fun watching their come stripe their chests and then smearing the whole mess together while they kissed sloppily. On the kink scale what they had done was pretty vanilla, but it was amusing at the time spreading their combined come together like strange adult finger paints.
“And now it’s all glued to me thank you very much!” Rodney complained, hands flailing to accentuate his point.
"You’re the one who wanted to cuddle last night! ‘We’ll clean up in the morning, John,’ "he mimicked snidely, “guess you’re rethinking the genius of that thought now.”
“Sue me for wanting to bask in the afterglow! I didn’t realize that my boyfriend’s semen also doubled as crazy glue!”
“Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you...”
“Oh hardy har har, Colonel Comedy. Maybe if I slide a little...” Rodney leaned towards the side of the bed.
“Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop pulling away already, that is NOT helping! Maybe we should just roll away quick like pulling off a bandaid.”
“And wind up with a semen burn down my chest? I don’t think so!”
John went very still and looked at Rodney very seriously. “Semen burn, Rodney?”
“Yes, semen burn. There was an…incident when I was in college.” Rodney grabbed a hold of John’s shoulders to keep them closely together and rolled them like a steamroller to the edge of the bed. “I thought it would be cool to come over my girlfriend’s stockings.”
“Ooh! Stockings!” John’s eyes glazed over.
“Knock it off Kirk!” Rodney said, whapping John on the head. “Focus here!” “We were sitting in a hot tub at the time...” Rodney inched them back till his ass was hanging off the bed.
“With the stockings?” John butted in.
“Do I constantly interrupt you when you're making a point?”
John raised an eyebrow.
“Yes with the stockings in the hot tub.”
“Kinky,” John replied, he looked vaguely impressed.
“Yes, well, anyway, there must have been some kind of reaction between the chemicals in the water, her stockings and my come because she wound up with a bad rash wherever my semen landed on her legs.”
“Ew!” John screwed up his face and Rodney should have thought it was annoying but (God help him) he just found in endearing.
“Yeah, that’s what she thought exactly. By the time we pulled the stockings off and washed her legs we needed some burn cream.”
“I bet that relationship didn’t last too long.”
“Oddly enough, no, it didn’t. I didn’t get too many dates with girls after that either.” Rodney eased himself around so that he was kneeling between John’s knees.
“Dr. Rodney McKay and his semen of death strikes again,” John chuckled.
“Just for that, you get to be the one who gets carried to the shower like a damsel in distress.”
John batted his eyelashes. “Help me, Rodney McKay, you’re my only hope,” he singsonged.
“You’re ridiculous, you know that? How many times have you seen that movie anyway? Here, grab on, I’ll take us to the shower.”
Rodney pulled John off the bed grabbed on to his ass. Hell, he figured he might as well cop a feel while he was at it. John, for his part, wrapped his legs around Rodney’s waist and giggled like a schoolgirl.
“This is kind of like a piggyback ride, only ass backwards.”
“Yeah,” Rodney said, hitching John up higher with a grunt, “too bad we’re in no position to take advantage of it.”
“Actually, we’re in the best position to take advantage of it.”
“And I’m sure we’ll both be in the mood when we’ve ripped skin and hair off our chests.” He had a point there.
John pulled back just enough to look Rodney in the eye. “Maybe later when we’re unglued?”
Rodney chuckled stepping into the shower stall. He propped John up against the wall. “Yes, maybe later, Colonel Kink. Now can you turn the water on? Cause my hands are currently occupied holding up your skinny ass.”
John leaned over as much as his position would allow and was just barely able to turn the shower on. “You’re such a sweet talker, McKay. Besides, you love my ass.”
“You wouldn’t have me any other way, and you know it!” Rodney replied and, after a pause, asked softly, “Can we have just hot instead of scalding?”
John let out a put-upon sigh, exaggerated for Rodney’s benefit, of course. “Sure, fine whatever.” Then after a moment he added, “Will you do my hair?” John loved to have his hair washed almost as Rodney loved to do it, not that either of them would ever admit to it out loud.
“Sure, as soon as we’re unglued I’ll do your hair and you can do my back.”
“Sounds kinky.”
“Everything sounds kinky to you John.” Rodney’s tone was all snark but his expression was affectionate.
“That’s why you love me.”
The water slid between them and after a bit John was able to pry his chest away from Rodney’s without loss of skin or hair. Reluctantly, he unwrapped his legs from around Rodney’s waist and stood on his own two feet before stepping under the shower head.
Rodney stood there a minute just watching John tip his head back into the spray. He ran his fingers along the newly grey hairs at John’s temples and the even newer smile lines popping up at the corners of John’s eyes.
Rodney knew John meant the statement as a joke, but semen sticking horror stories aside, even he had to admit what they had was pretty good.
Finally he replied, “Yeah, yeah I do.”
John smiled and handed Rodney the shampoo.
“Me too.”
Author:
crownglass39Rating: adult
Wordcount: ~1000
Summary: John and Rodney are quite literally stuck together. They should have cleaned up before going to sleep.
A/N: I wrote this for the flashfic challenge but it will also part of my Bad Sex Series. The burn part really did happen to me about a bazillion years ago when I was dating my husband. I never had a repeat of that incident.
Also, for some weird reason, I always like to post on Sunday.
~*~
“Ow! Stop moving already!” Rodney bitched, putting his hand on John’s shoulder to stop his incessant squirming.
“What are you whining about? I’m the one with all the chest hair!” Thankfully, John stopped moving. Waking up with their chests and bellies stuck together wasn’t the most compromising positions they’ve ever found themselves in, but it was pretty damn close. Rodney had the bright idea last night that it would be fun to come over each other; and it had been fun watching their come stripe their chests and then smearing the whole mess together while they kissed sloppily. On the kink scale what they had done was pretty vanilla, but it was amusing at the time spreading their combined come together like strange adult finger paints.
“And now it’s all glued to me thank you very much!” Rodney complained, hands flailing to accentuate his point.
"You’re the one who wanted to cuddle last night! ‘We’ll clean up in the morning, John,’ "he mimicked snidely, “guess you’re rethinking the genius of that thought now.”
“Sue me for wanting to bask in the afterglow! I didn’t realize that my boyfriend’s semen also doubled as crazy glue!”
“Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you...”
“Oh hardy har har, Colonel Comedy. Maybe if I slide a little...” Rodney leaned towards the side of the bed.
“Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop pulling away already, that is NOT helping! Maybe we should just roll away quick like pulling off a bandaid.”
“And wind up with a semen burn down my chest? I don’t think so!”
John went very still and looked at Rodney very seriously. “Semen burn, Rodney?”
“Yes, semen burn. There was an…incident when I was in college.” Rodney grabbed a hold of John’s shoulders to keep them closely together and rolled them like a steamroller to the edge of the bed. “I thought it would be cool to come over my girlfriend’s stockings.”
“Ooh! Stockings!” John’s eyes glazed over.
“Knock it off Kirk!” Rodney said, whapping John on the head. “Focus here!” “We were sitting in a hot tub at the time...” Rodney inched them back till his ass was hanging off the bed.
“With the stockings?” John butted in.
“Do I constantly interrupt you when you're making a point?”
John raised an eyebrow.
“Yes with the stockings in the hot tub.”
“Kinky,” John replied, he looked vaguely impressed.
“Yes, well, anyway, there must have been some kind of reaction between the chemicals in the water, her stockings and my come because she wound up with a bad rash wherever my semen landed on her legs.”
“Ew!” John screwed up his face and Rodney should have thought it was annoying but (God help him) he just found in endearing.
“Yeah, that’s what she thought exactly. By the time we pulled the stockings off and washed her legs we needed some burn cream.”
“I bet that relationship didn’t last too long.”
“Oddly enough, no, it didn’t. I didn’t get too many dates with girls after that either.” Rodney eased himself around so that he was kneeling between John’s knees.
“Dr. Rodney McKay and his semen of death strikes again,” John chuckled.
“Just for that, you get to be the one who gets carried to the shower like a damsel in distress.”
John batted his eyelashes. “Help me, Rodney McKay, you’re my only hope,” he singsonged.
“You’re ridiculous, you know that? How many times have you seen that movie anyway? Here, grab on, I’ll take us to the shower.”
Rodney pulled John off the bed grabbed on to his ass. Hell, he figured he might as well cop a feel while he was at it. John, for his part, wrapped his legs around Rodney’s waist and giggled like a schoolgirl.
“This is kind of like a piggyback ride, only ass backwards.”
“Yeah,” Rodney said, hitching John up higher with a grunt, “too bad we’re in no position to take advantage of it.”
“Actually, we’re in the best position to take advantage of it.”
“And I’m sure we’ll both be in the mood when we’ve ripped skin and hair off our chests.” He had a point there.
John pulled back just enough to look Rodney in the eye. “Maybe later when we’re unglued?”
Rodney chuckled stepping into the shower stall. He propped John up against the wall. “Yes, maybe later, Colonel Kink. Now can you turn the water on? Cause my hands are currently occupied holding up your skinny ass.”
John leaned over as much as his position would allow and was just barely able to turn the shower on. “You’re such a sweet talker, McKay. Besides, you love my ass.”
“You wouldn’t have me any other way, and you know it!” Rodney replied and, after a pause, asked softly, “Can we have just hot instead of scalding?”
John let out a put-upon sigh, exaggerated for Rodney’s benefit, of course. “Sure, fine whatever.” Then after a moment he added, “Will you do my hair?” John loved to have his hair washed almost as Rodney loved to do it, not that either of them would ever admit to it out loud.
“Sure, as soon as we’re unglued I’ll do your hair and you can do my back.”
“Sounds kinky.”
“Everything sounds kinky to you John.” Rodney’s tone was all snark but his expression was affectionate.
“That’s why you love me.”
The water slid between them and after a bit John was able to pry his chest away from Rodney’s without loss of skin or hair. Reluctantly, he unwrapped his legs from around Rodney’s waist and stood on his own two feet before stepping under the shower head.
Rodney stood there a minute just watching John tip his head back into the spray. He ran his fingers along the newly grey hairs at John’s temples and the even newer smile lines popping up at the corners of John’s eyes.
Rodney knew John meant the statement as a joke, but semen sticking horror stories aside, even he had to admit what they had was pretty good.
Finally he replied, “Yeah, yeah I do.”
John smiled and handed Rodney the shampoo.
“Me too.”
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:21 am (UTC)(Erm, I had a semen burn incident as well in my youth. *blushes* But not with the stockings.)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:27 am (UTC)I've never had that happen before or since, and I'm still with the same guy, hell I married him, so I don't know what the hell happened.
I'm both amused and appalled that of all the sexy stuff that I write, the bad sex is the easiest for me.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:35 am (UTC)happened to me and my husband on our two-day 'honeymoon'.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:43 am (UTC)I wonder if there's an actual medical name for semen burn and why it only happens occasionally?
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:37 am (UTC)Your Bad sex series always puts a smile on my face and giggles (unbecoming snorts) in the air.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:42 am (UTC)It has occurred to me that I probably shouldn't have posted this story tonight as I am drugged to the eyebrows with cold meds and jumped the gun on the beta. (And apparently, I'm also babbling.)
Oh well, too late now...
Thank you for the FB!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:44 am (UTC)But...Semen burns? I had no idea. ::Eyes husband suspiciously::
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:46 am (UTC)(Also, thank you for the FB!)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:51 am (UTC)Couldn't you just see Rodney working up to some tirade and John cuts in and says, "Rodney, be nice, now I don't want to have to mention the SoD, do I?" and then Rodney turns red and sputters and forgets what he was getting all worked up about.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:55 am (UTC)Poor John. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 04:04 am (UTC)Bwahahaha! Hilarious!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 04:27 am (UTC)Thank you for the FB!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 08:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 04:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 04:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 08:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 12:57 pm (UTC)Thank you for the FB! Somehow, all feedback is better when you're sick and sniffly, yes?
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 01:01 pm (UTC)Hope the sick and sniffly goes away soon.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 09:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 12:55 pm (UTC)I've never woken up stuck to someone, but sadly...yeah most of the rest is just embellished on what I know.
In the 13? 14? years I've been with my husband I've
-almost knocked him unconscious during a blowjob (Double Whammy)
-got come in my eye (pH)
-had my husband try the "sorry, it slipped there" technique (Oops)
-had semen burn (Stuck)
-gagged on semen due to taste (Juiced)
I'm sure I'll remember more, although my husband is NO help at all because he blocks all this stuff out (Thank God).
God help me, probably next time I'll be writing about the time that John accidentally kneeled on Rodney's balls or something. Oy.
So, I guess The Private Confessions of Crownglass39 (aged 32 1/2) it is...
There are worse things. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 01:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-30 03:46 am (UTC)And really, if you're with someone long enough, something is bound to happen. Law of averages and all that. At least you never had your cat try to curl up in your lap while you were in the midst of...well, I hope that never happened to you. Cat scratches are particularly painful on the inner thigh, and guys are very touchy about injuries to that area!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 02:06 pm (UTC)Great story. So funny, but so sweet!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 03:50 pm (UTC)From the comments it looks like I'm not the only one either. Maybe we should form a semen burn support group...
Thank you for the FB!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 05:55 pm (UTC)lolol Now that, would be cool.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 05:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 12:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 10:45 pm (UTC)Hope the sniffles are better!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 12:06 am (UTC)Two naked guys twined together in a shower is always good...
Thank you for the FB!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-28 11:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 12:08 am (UTC)As long as your parents aren't reading over your shoulder you should be fine, and if they do well it's their own fault for reading over your shoulder, right?
Thank you for the FB!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 01:25 am (UTC)(alhtough, maybe... combineD....?)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 01:45 am (UTC)*blushes*
Good catch! Thank you!
*going off to fix*
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 03:38 am (UTC)I really enjoy bad sex/awkward sex stories because they make the characters so endearing. I mean, what real person doesn't have bad sex now and again?
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 06:45 am (UTC)But, did you know that people can be allergic to specific semen? I know, freaky, huh? Then, you really do get semen burn!
OTOH, the latest sex book I bought (which is slanted towards het couples) says that semen acts as an antidepressant on women. Um, I'm just wondering how they managed to turn that test into a scientific endeavour.
Very amused hugs,
H.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-19 09:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-07 11:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-08 11:57 pm (UTC)