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sga_flashfictitle: Involuntary Dog (7,100 words)
by:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bergann
pairing: McKay/Sheppard
rating/warnings: PG-13
spoilers: season 4
excerpt: "Colonel, what was that?" Carter's voice is the first thing he hears on the other side, except John is already chasing the terrier down the steps and into the hallway, while behind him he can hear Teyla state that she believed it was what Carter would call a dog.
notes: Cairn Terriers are known for being highly intelligent, stubborn and strong-willed. In addition, they're lively, strong, loyal and headstrong. Also known for sometimes being disobedient.
Which fits much better than the other dogs I originally had in mind. I am also aware that this is not really "flash" but it wouldn't END.
McKay, Zelenka, Simpson, Major Lorne and several Marines visit MT4-854 after McKay discoveres some unusual and interesting energy readings that indicate a possibility for a new ZPM.
The planet has been set aside in the Ancient database as a planet of interest, and the Ancients had, thoughtfully, decided to leave out a description.
And Rodney has, for reasons known only to Rodney still after the whole nightmare entity thing, decided to take interest in before they even notice the small bookmark. That just fueled Rodney's interest to the point where he doesn't want to wait any longer to go see why the Ancients were interested in it.
John, on strict orders from Keller to take it easy after nearly getting killed (twice) on their last mission, settles down in the gate room with Chuck to wait. He wants to be there in case McKay comes running gleefully through the Stargate, ZPM clasped to his chest with no indication of letting anyone else get near it. Ever.
After Carter tries and fails (five times) to get him working on the paperwork piled away in his office, John is left in peace with his magazine, feet propped up on one of the consoles in a way that has Chuck's left eye twitching.
It's silent in the gate room for an hour. John watches as the gate technicians keep themselves busy, in between reading about last year's golfing news. Everything is running extremely smoothly and fine, like the silence before a storm, and once that's realized, John decides to go gear up. Maybe grab a cup of coffee and a not-muffin while he has the chance.
He's just pulling on the tac vest when the alarm for unscheduled off world activation goes off. He'd have liked to be wrong about these things, just once anyway. "What is it?" He asks, running into the gate room and the event horizon is still there.
"We thought perhaps we should wait for you, Colonel." Carter says, and she must have known he was running as fast as he could to get here. "Go ahead, Major."
"Doctor McKay is missing, sir. We'd found the source of the power readings, it's an Ancient device. They were doing some tests and McKay must have touched something. Next thing we knew, he was gone."
"What do you mean, he was just gone?" John demands, stomach lurching uncomfortably because Jesus, wasn't it just like Rodney to disappear the one mission John isn't there to protect him?
"What I mean, Colonel, is that he touched an unknown Ancient device and one second he was there, bitching about the pollen, and the next he wasn't." Lorne says patiently, like he'd expected this conversation. When did he become so predictable anyway? "I have Marines looking for him in the surrounding woods. But so far, there's no sign of him, sir."
"What about Zelenka and Simpson? Have they found out if the device is some sort of...containment chamber?" John asks, after ordering a search party to be put together.
"Yes sir. They both agree that while they're not sure what the device does, Doctor McKay isn't being stored inside it. They packed it up; I'll be sending them through with it at your order, sir."
"Go ahead, Major. I'll be there shortly with a search party. Keep a lookout." John orders, as Zelenka and Simpson step through the event horizon, carrying the device that...that stole Rodney between them, and the wormhole shuts down.
Ronon and Teyla appear, a handful of Marines with them and John ignores Keller's instruction that he is not to step through the Stargate. Rodney is gone and John is damned if he isn't going to go find him.
"Colonel," Major Lorne greets them once they've stepped through.
"Major, where did you find the device?" Teyla asks, scanning the surroundings.
"It's a twenty minute walk in that direction," Lorne says and points up a path. "But there's nothing there."
"Still, it's where McKay disappeared. Chances are he might still be in that area." John reasons, letting Lorne lead the way. They're a few meters off when Ronon abruptly draws his gun, pointing it at a patch of grass that is moving. The Marines follow suit, all drawing their weapons.
"What is it?" Teyla asks, curious as everyone but Ronon and Teyla drop their weapon.
"Looks like a terrier," Lorne says after a moment of staring at the not quite grey coat of a small dog.
"It's a Cairn Terrier, sir," one of the Marines says and looks embarrassed when they all turn to look at her. "My mother used to breed Terriers."
"Well, so it is, or at least, its alien cousin." John says, and orders the men to move out in teams of two. Carter had given them permission to search until nightfall, after that they'll have to draw back and wait for morning. The terrier trots up to him, startling blue eyes huge and...Really annoyed. John's thought is backed up when the terrier visibly considers for a moment before biting the leg of his BDU. "Hey!"
"What's a Cairn Terrier?" Ronon grunts, putting his gun away because it's not like the 13" ball of fur, a mix between light beige and grey, that is currently growling with its paws pressed against John's boot, tossing his head this way and that as he fights John's pants.
"It's a breed of this animal we have on Earth called dogs." John says, shaking his leg and sending the dog sprawling on the grass.
"I have heard some of the women at Atlantis mention them. They sound a lot like our ho'ond." Teyla says, kneeling down and the dog lifts its head superiorly for a moment, before trotting over and giving her fingers a lick. "Do you think it could come with us back to Atlantis?"
Ronon rolls his eyes, because it figures Teyla starts feeling all motherly over a dog when McKay is missing. "Let's just focus on finding Rodney, for now." John says, and Teyla bows her head in agreement as she gets back to her feet, brushing her knees.
"Very well, John. Where shall we start?" Teyla asks, and once they start, the dog follows close on John's heel, the barks growing in irritation as he struggles to keep up, and occasionally there's a nip at his ankle when he stops to orient himself. It's annoying, but John has to admit, it grows on you.
*
They're all back at the gate once the sun is down, and McKay is still nowhere to be found. John's new friend - he's begun calling him Deif while no one is looking - has stayed with him and even as they're dialing the gate, the small dog right next to John's leg, yawning occasionally.
"Hey, listen, buddy. You can't go through the gate with us. I live in a...no-pets allowed building. Sort of." John says, and the look Deif sends him, gives him the impression that John's words were understood but not accepted.
"Colonel, we're ready." Lorne informs, and he gives the order for the men to step through.
"Alright, I guess this is it. Go look for McKay, alright? You can lead him to the gate; maybe tell him we're looking for him." John says and tries not to think about how he's talking to a dog. He reaches down to pet it, as Teyla had done moments before stepping through the gate and the dog gives his finger a sharp bite. "Ow! Fine, have it your way."
John shrugs and walks toward the even horizon, and just as he steps through, he's aware of a ball of fury running through right between his legs.
Aw crap.
"Colonel, what was that?" Carter's voice is the first thing he hears on the other side, except John is already chasing the terrier down the steps and into the hallway, while behind him he can hear Teyla state that she believed it was a dog.
The chase takes him down several hallways, up a flight of stairs and John gets the feeling that the terrier knows exactly where he's going and is making sure that John can see which way he goes. Doors open for the little devil and his mind starts forming the idea that maybe Deif has the ATA gene.
Especially considering how he just went into Rodney's personal quarters when John knows for a fact Rodney has adjusted the systems so that only he's allowed inside without special permission. John's glad Rodney included him on the few people who could gain access without Rodney standing on the other side of the door.
Still, he doesn't expect the sight that meets him, which is the terrier curled up on the floor, on top of Rodney's orange fleece from Antarctica, and the really blue eyes of the dog look like they hope he might get a clue, this time.
John does, and gathers the terrier and the fleece in his arms, surprised when the terrier lets him - actually presses his head fondly against John's chest and John carries him to the infirmary, ignoring his radio for now.
"Colonel, what a surprise." Keller says and sounds like she means it. "I thought you'd be hiding from me after going against my orders concerning your health."
"Yeah, well, that was my plan, but I need you to run some tests on this little fellow." John says, holding the terrier out for Keller to see. She lifts an eyebrow at him. "I think he might be McKay."
Keller drops the chart she had been holding, looking from the dog to John to the dog and back again. "I thought you didn't find McKay."
"We didn't. We found him, instead. I think...I think maybe the Ancient device may have mutated his genes or something. When he came through the gate, he ran straight for McKay's quarters." John says, and if this hadn't been the Pegasus Galaxy, it'd sound pretty farfetched. Or well, even more. "Can't you just...run some tests on him, see if the DNA matches Rodney's?"
"I...okay, I'll run some tests." Keller says, taking might-not-be-Rodney from his arms, and there's a small warning yip.
Watch it! The voice rings inside his head and it is unmistakably Rodney. John glances at Keller, who doesn't seem to have heard any Rodney-like voices at all, and thinks that this is exactly what he needs to complete his day.
Rodney talking to him inside his own head.
*
Keller returns half an hour later, orange fleece in hand and if John didn't know any better, he'd say the expression on Deif's (he's still Deif until the tests say he's Rodney) is one of righteous outrage. When he sees John, he starts barking.
She lifted my leg up! Who gave her permission? I certainly didn't. Tests, fine, but I did not give anyone permission to lift my leg. John shakes his head and tries to look like he isn't losing his mind. He knows suddenly how Rodney and Cadman must have felt, except he's left alone with Rodney's voice and there's a chance Rodney is a dog.
"It will take a few more minutes before we can be certain that he is actually Rodney." Keller says, placing dog and fleece on the bed next to where John is sitting. "But I took the liberty of running some extra tests, and I can say for certain that the dog possesses the ATA gene."
"Anything about his health?" John asks, because it'd be good to know if he should have taken the dog back to the gate at once, in case there's some weird Pegasus Galaxy bug in the fur.
"Well, I'm no veterinarian, Colonel, but he seems to be in fine health. A bit tubby, maybe, but nothing exercise won't fix." Keller says, and John ignores the outraged Tubby? TUBBY? in his mind as the terrier growls. "But I don't suppose you're planning on keeping him, even if Carter allowed it." She sounds as though she would quite like having him around.
John points out that there's a chance the terrier will turn out to be Rodney, and Keller gives him an alarmed glance. "Yes, well, the results will be done soon. Perhaps you should call Ronon and Teyla?"
"Alright," John agrees and tells them to hurry up into the hospital bay.
"Is something wrong?" Teyla asks, her voice worried. "It isn't your Cairn Terrier, is it?"
"Well, he's not mine, but it is...him, yes. I think he might be Rodney." The dog yips, almost fondly, and John doesn't hear Teyla's answer over Rodney's voice going This is why I like you. You're not a complete idiot, no matter what you try to convince people.
"I can not remember hearing any stories where humans have turned into a ho'ond." Teyla says thoughtfully, and there's the slightest hint that maybe John is losing it. "There are myths from the old days, but they are children's stories."
"No Wraith." Ronon grunts, and John takes that to mean the myths just had metamorphosis and no Wraith. Must be the Pegasus version of fairytales.
The radio goes silent, and John stares at Deif. Deif stares back. "I have McKay's voice in my head," John admits, figuring that even if this is Rodney, he'll be weirdly flattered.
Well, I'm flattered. You're clinically insane and in charge of the military on Atlantis. I'm better off as a dog, if you're starting to hear voices.
A thought occurs to him. "What are the chances that I...actually understand what you're saying?"
Do you actually want an answer to that? That is...it's... The terrier sits up, head cocked to the side. Unless...unless Atlantis has some sort of translation system. It's possible, I don't think the Ancients even knew the full extent of what she could do.
"So not completely insane." John says, only to be responded at once with, Let's not get ahead of ourselves. An experiment then. There's no reason why Atlantis should be translating for you alone.
And then Rodney starts howling Murder! Murder! at the top of his lungs. "Jesus, Rodney! Shut up!" John shouts, and Keller comes running from one direction as Teyla and Ronon enter from the other.
"John, what's wrong? Is he hurt?" Teyla asks, concerned and Rodney shuts up enough for John to feel safe to take his hands away from his ears. Not that it helps when Rodney is not just a dog, but inside his own fucking head.
"He's experimenting," John says and it takes a moment before he realizes they're all staring at him. "What?"
"How do you know what he's doing?" Keller asks, and John sees the pencil suddenly poised to scribble down whatever John says.
"Um, I think Atlantis is translating what he says. Well, barks." John shifts on his chair, and wishes they had proof of this before he had to admit it to anyone. "You guys can't hear him?"
Ronon likes to listen to Dido. Rodney yips causing John to choke on a laugh, and the blue eyes widen dramatically, making him look adorable, and John really wishes there was another word for it. He thinks it's a defense in case Ronon actually can hear and has plans to kill him.
"We can not hear anything but the bark," Teyla looks almost disappointed, and her gentle fingers scratch briefly behind Rodney's darkly colored ear. There's a content sigh from the terrier. "Perhaps Atlantis can only translate to one."
"Might just be nuts," Ronon points out and grins.
"Well, whatever the reason, the tests are definite. The dog is definitely Rodney McKay."
We already knew that, Rodney tells John, and droops a little when Teyla stops scratching. Dolittle, tell her we already knew that.
John ignores him.
"Then we should go inform Colonel Carter and the rest." Teyla says decisively, and before she can move properly to pick Rodney up, John has him gathered in his arms.
Oh yes, Colonel Dolittle. Take advantage of the fact no one else can hear my opinion. You're lucky I don't bite you. Rodney says, but doesn't sound as though he minds as much as he could have.
"Stop calling me Dolittle." John hisses, trying to make it so that Ronon and Teyla can't hear him. He forgets the part where they hear everything.
"What's Dolittle?" Ronon asks, glancing down at the dog McKay.
"It's a movie about a doctor called Dolittle who can understand and talk to animals." John explains with a sigh. "He has to rescue a tiger."
"Could be you." Ronon says after a moment, and Rodney snorts in what John has to assume is the dog equivalent of a laugh.
Carter keeps her face carefully blank throughout John's explanation - which had started with, "I found him on MT4-854, mom, can I keep him?" - changed only whenever Rodney feels the need to correct him, so more than really necessary. After Carter informs the science lab and Lorne of Rodney's condition, she gives Rodney permission to go into his lab and oversee their work.
John feels hopeful about this, getting away from Rodney to feel once again what it's like to be alone in his own head, when Carter orders him to go with him.
"Why?"
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Colonel, but you are the only currently able to speak with Dr. McKay. If he is to help, he will need someone to translate."
John hadn't really thought of that, even though he knew he should have. Rodney's tail has dropped, and if John would say that he was actually sulking. "Alright. Come on, Rodney." John says, leaning down to pick him up except the Cairn barks and walks pointedly to the door.
I have turned into a dog, Colonel, not disabled. Rodney's offended tone says, and John sighs before following. Ronon and Teyla promise to drop in later, except Rodney is already hurrying down the halls and John has to run to keep up.
He stops after a moment and looks embarrassed, looking this way and that in the hallway, and for a moment John thinks he's lost. "The science lab is this way," John says and points, and gets an eye roll in response.
I know it's that way, Colonel. I just...I have to...you know. Rodney sounds miserable, and for a moment John really doesn't know what he's talking about and then it hits him.
"OH. Well, I'm not...where could you go?" John asks, and then suddenly the knowledge is there, warm and sudden, and John silently thanks Atlantis. "Wait, I know where you can go." And there is the sound of Rodney's claws on the floor as he follows John to the nearest transporter.
A short walk from where the transporter ends up, John passes his hand by the console on the side, and the doors slide open to reveal a surprisingly lush garden.
How very Secret Garden of you, Rodney barks, walking into the garden with his nose on the ground. How did you know this was here anyway?
"I asked Atlantis," John answers, and figures the tone in Rodney's voice has little do with him and more to do with the fact he has to urinate like a dog. John turns his back to Rodney and stares at one of the giant trees, wondering how this has been hidden from them for so long. The botanists would go into spontaneous orgasms here, and John is not thinking down that line of thought anymore.
Rodney walks past him, yipping a ready and even in that word, Rodney sounds quite annoyed.
"Alright, Rodney, tell me what I did wrong." John says, watching as Rodney trots down the corridor with his nose stuck to the ground. "And then maybe tell me what the hell you're doing."
If you don't know, you're more oblivious than I previously gave you credit for. Figure it out. Rodney tells him snippily, and quickens his pace.
"Alright," John says agreeably and figures he'll have some time to puzzle out what he did to offend Rodney this time and a suitable apology to make up for it. "Then how about telling me what you're doing?"
It's...it's the smells. They're very distracting. I mean, they're everywhere and there's so many of them. It's amazing, I can actually smell what they're cooking in the mess. Rodney's quiet for a moment, eventually adding: if that was the last of the not-chocolate, not-muffins, I will bite your leg.
"I saved one for you," John admits, and Rodney's tail wags a little. "So what's it like being a Cairn Terrier?"
Small. Black and white. Rodney stops outside the doors to the labs and hesitates. Everything is very loud, and it's like...it's like what I smell makes everything colorful.
"Aren't you going in?" John asks, stopping next to the small dog that seems to be shaking. "Are you feeling alright?"
Fine. Fine. I just have to face my minions while looking like a cute little puppy. It's not exactly something I look forward to, Colonel.
"Well you don't have to," John reasons, because he's sure Zelenka and Simpson can figure it out on their own. Rodney hasn't been there for absolutely every catastrophe that has happened to Atlantis.
And do what instead, exactly? Play fetch? Rodney asks, voice scorning. John schools his features enough so that he can pretend he hadn't kind of wanted to play some sort of game with Rodney as a dog. No. The sooner I'm back as a human, the better.
And with that, the doors swish open and Rodney goes into the labs. John follows and thinks he has never heard the labs this quiet as everyone seems to be staring at the small dog on the floor. Rodney barks demandingly for everyone to go back to work, and though John thinks they didn't understand exactly what he said, they got the meaning; because everyone turns hurriedly back to they're work.
"Over here," Zelenka calls and they make their way over to where he is sitting. Rodney spots the cot he has set up in case of long nights, and he gathers himself together and leaps onto it. It gives him a view of the entire room, and the device that caused his condition especially.
"Have you found anything out?" John asks, as Rodney seems to be reading the various diagrams and equations on Zelenka's laptop.
"Well, we have found some things. Several in fact. But it is mainly about its function, still it is unclear, though there is nothing about how to reverse the effect." Zelenka says, pushing his glasses further up his nose. "What we have had time to translate from the database suggest it is an Ascension device. But it is unclear. Many of these words we haven't encountered before. But it is not like the other one, this is to...let you experience another view on life. Make it...jednodušší - simpler."
So I won't have to choose between Ascension or death? Rodney asks, and John translates it for him. Zelenka's eyes flicker between them for a moment, surprised and John remembers that Zelenka wasn't told about the link. "I can kind of...understand what McKay is saying." John says with a shrug, feeling awkward.
"Really? That is remarkable. Is it like an actual voice you hear?" Zelenka asks, eyes shining with interest.
"No, it's more inside my head. Like...a thought, only it's Rodney's voice." John says, and Rodney heaves a martyred sigh.
"Sorry. No, Rodney, this is merely to change your view and to help you connect with all life forms, I should think." Zelenka explains, hitting a few keys on the laptop. "The Ancients had the belief that by experiencing what it's like to be not human, it would make it easier to Ascend."
"Why a Cairn Terrier?" John asks, and as Rodney mutters about lazy, shortcutting Ascended bastards.
Zelenka shrugs eloquently. "We have no idea. It seems completely random. Rodney is lucky he ended up a small dog, not a lion you'd shoot on sight. As is your habit."
And you said you hadn't found any way of reversing the effect? Rodney barks, and John hefts himself onto the workbench across from Rodney while talking.
"No, none. I...wish I did not have to say this, Rodney, but I fear that perhaps your state is permanent until you...embrace the simpler life as an animal." Zelenka says, and his eyes stare at the data pad connected to the device rather than at Rodney.
John, however, does and watches as Rodney lies down, head resting on one side of his right foot. His heart clenches painfully at the look on Rodney's face, blue eyes as discouraged as John's ever seen them.
"But that could take..."
"Days, weeks, months or even years, yes." Zelenka says unhappily. "As always, the Ancient's inventions have their flaw."
I almost miss the ultimatum of Ascend or die. Rodney sounds miserable and before John can think, he's down from the workbench and on the cot, gathering Rodney in his arms and hugging him tight.
"We'll figure something out." John promises, voice low and trying to swallow his surprise that Rodney doesn't struggle, but repeats the events of earlier as he snuggles his head against John's chest. They're both shaking. "I'm not going to let you be stuck as a Cairn Terrier, Rodney. We're going to fix this."
*
*
Three hours later, Rodney surprises everyone in the lab (after John had gotten over his own initial shock and translated) by giving up for the night. John, no longer wanting to be away from Rodney because he can handle having Rodney in his head when Rodney was stuck as a fucking dog, follows Rodney down the halls and doesn't realize until he's in his own quarters that that's where Rodney's lead him.
"I thought you were going to bed," John says, leaning against the wall and Rodney turns to stare incredulously at him.
I'm a dog, in case you haven't really noticed, Sheppard. You're the only one I can talk to, and there is no use for me to sleep in my quarters when really the only thing I would do is sleep. This saves us time.
"Oh, right. Do you want...blankets or a pillow?" John offers lamely, and Rodney huffs in a suffering way before leaping onto John's bed. "That's already too small for me."
Masochist. Rodney says as he stomps around - tests, John guesses - on his mattress. How is your spine not irrevocably damaged?
"Lucky, I guess. But Rodney, I'm going to kick you in the middle of the night and you'll bite my leg, and we'll end up in the infirmary." John says, and Rodney sighs before going back down on the floor.
You may have a point, Sheppard. But I'm still going to use your favorite piece of clothing for a pillow for not sharing.
John decides not to comment, putting two extra blankets on the floor and watches with some amazement as Rodney comes trotting out of his closet, black turtleneck sweater in his jaws and dragging along the ground. John can't remember giving any indication that it is his favorite, but Rodney's spot on, and that's...somewhat spooky.
Rodney looks smug, as much as a terrier can. John heads for the bathroom, and when he gets back, Rodney is curled up on the floor and true to his word, his head is resting on John's bundled sweater. "Night, Rodney." John says, thinking the light off and in the darkness and the silence, John can hear the slightest thump of Rodney's tail.
I'll be human tomorrow, Rodney promises and they're both out within minutes. Rodney jumps onto the bed in the middle of the night, treading carefully on the mattress until he lies down, pressing his muzzle against John's wrist. John carefully lets his breath out, pretending to be asleep as Rodney lets out a sigh and once again, they both fall asleep.
The next day offers no change for Rodney, and neither does the next one after that or the day after that. After nearly a week, Rodney and John have put together the basis for a language so that Rodney doesn't have to rely completely on John to communicate, while Sam, Zelenka and John have conspired together and set up an order for some dog equipment for the Daedalus to bring - even though Zelenka had been insistent that Rodney could turn back any day.
Anyone with more than a basic grasp on the Ancient language had had their turn trying to translate the exact text, but by the third week there's several theories on why the device was created and the function, but there's none on how to turn Rodney back or how to speed the process up to complete the function.
Everyone is slightly amazed to see how well Rodney has decided to adapt to being a dog. He trots after John most of the time, unless Zelenka requests his help in the labs or Teyla takes him off to talk (how, no one tells him) and, when he asked Teyla, apparently meditate. With her current mood swings and not-quite-forgiving him for his reaction to her pregnancy, John is afraid to point out that Rodney is a dog and so meditating should be hard. Rodney even joins Ronon and John for their run in the morning, after discovering that he apparently can't concentrate for the entire day unless he exercises. A lot.
Only John knows that Rodney isn't adapting as well as he likes everyone to believe. He hears the rants, despairing speeches and pep talks Rodney gives himself when he thinks John is asleep. Rodney doesn't mention it to John, however, instead there are requests for watching movies or television shows that used to be perfectly normal watching with Rodney McKay, human astrophysicists, but are just weird watching with Rodney McKay, Cairn Terrier. John's pretty sure discussing Star Wars with a dog is taken as a sign of madness by pretty much every culture.
John's okay with it, selfishly he doesn't want to deal with a huge emotional talk with Rodney about it, but it has to happen sometime. Perhaps not so surprising, it is Teyla who brings it up during a lunch with John and Ronon, while Rodney is down in the labs with Zelenka.
"You have to talk with him, John," Teyla says, and John briefly considers faking an emergency until Teyla's legs clamps one of John's between them like a vice. Ronon smirks, as though he's perfectly aware what Teyla's doing and he probably does, the bastard, and puts some more of the chicken in his mouth. "He is unhappy."
"He's a dog, Teyla! I'd be pretty unhappy if I was stuck as a dog too." John points out and goes silent under Teyla's gaze.
"I am well aware of this, John. He is a dog in shape, but his mind is still our Rodney, and all of us have a hard time understanding that. Accepting it and offering him proper comfort."
"I let him sleep in my bed!" John says, a bit too loudly, he realizes, as some marines sitting close by turn in their seats. "How much more comforting do you want me to get?"
"John!" Teyla shrieks and even Ronon looks kind of shocked. "Imagine you are Rodney, John. You are stuck as a dog for several weeks without a sure way of getting your own body back, and the only person who can understand and talk to you, is Rodney." Teyla goes silent, letting John think it over for a minute before continuing, "Now imagine that in this state, the one person who can talk to you doesn't. Imagine how alone you would feel."
"She's right." Ronon says, and pushes a plate full of chicken toward him. "Take this to McKay. Talk when he can't."
"Yeah, thanks." John says, and Teyla bows her head, letting John's leg go. The whole city is rocked by a violent shock before John has had a chance to get on his feet, and they're already running to the control room when the alarms go off, and the next twenty-seven hours are spent trying to figure out a way for Atlantis and the Loch Ness monsters apparently living in the ocean on their new planet, to coexist on the planet.
It's solved by moving the city five feet to the right and Rodney, who came up with the idea, is nowhere to be found. It's only after an hour that Chuck locates him on the LSD and John walks slower than necessary to Rodney's quarters, knowing that the conversation is going to happen now and being painfully aware he doesn't have the chicken Ronon had saved to bribe Rodney with.
"Rodney," John calls, standing still in the doorway and there's a rustle of sheets and then Rodney's head pops out from the pile of sheets on the bed. "We've been looking everywhere for you."
Sorry. I had to... Rodney sighs, and the pile seems to collapse a little, Rodney's muzzle appearing from underneath the white sheets.
"I think we should talk, Rodney," John says, stepping over the threshold and tells himself he isn't hovering by Rodney.
We talk all the time. Rodney tells him, in a voice that suggest he knows what John is talking about. I would call what we are doing right now talking. Talking, Sheppard, is to address spoken words to somebody, whether it is to discuss a subject or to express an opinion.
"You know what I mean."
I do, I also know Teyla made you. You can go tell her we did, I'm a complete wreck but holding up bravely as long as you keep feeding me, and we won't be awkward for days after. Rodney suggests, and it sounds like the sort of plan they'd go along with in the past, but John's determined now.
"Rodney, I'm giving you a chance to talk about this. If you can seriously tell me you don't want to talk, then fine. We won't. We can go for a run or watch Loch Ness monsters from the balcony, maybe find something for you to eat in the mess."
Liopleurodons, not Loch Ness monsters. Rodney says sourly, and some more of the terrier's head comes out from beneath the sheets. This is going to sound silly but...I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.
"I thought the change had no effect on your mind." John says, frowning and trying to remember the various theories word for word.
Yes, I know. What they've been able to translate only suggests I need to embrace this life, which is apparently so much simpler except the only real difference I can see is that everyone has a hard time not petting or stroking me, I can't talk to anyone but you and I'm about to go insane from boredom. Rodney growls miserably, and makes a low pitched whine. But I keep forgetting things. At first it was normal things I used to forget all the time, names or dates or whatever, but now it's equations and when Zelenka and I were doing a round of Prime/Not Prime, I got three wrong.
John thinks he might be the only one in Atlantis right now who knows how bad this is for Rodney, and he swallows the worry down. "The Ancient database would have mentioned if you were going start losing your mind."
Really? Because they've always been so careful not to spring any surprises at us in the past. Rodney says sarcastically. Like coming back to the city and saying 'oh yes, thank you so much for keeping the city safe from Wraith and other various angry alien life forms in this crazy galaxy. I think it's only fair we kick you out on your asses and nearly lose the city in the extremely brief period of time we are back in control of it.'
"Yeah, but Rodney...you're a dog." John says uncomfortably, scratching the back of his neck. "Dogs aren't really made for thinking about prime/not prime and astrophysics."
But I have to. You'll all die if I don't. Rodney throws back, and John silently admits that without Rodney, Atlantis will be kind of fucked.
"How do you and Zelenka play Prime/Not Prime when you can't..." John trails off, finishing the sentence in his head, but Rodney doesn't sound offended when he replies, just relieved at the change of topic. John feels like an ass, but he never claimed to be good at this sort of thing.
He says a number, I say yes or no. Rodney explains, and John thinks maybe Teyla was wrong that they're all treating Rodney as though he is radically different. I'm glad we talked, John. Rodney says into the silence that falls, and John places his hand on Rodney's head, thumb stroking over the left ear and there's a happy sigh from the Cairn.
"You'll be fine, Rodney." John says, and believes it.
*
John thinks a lot about what Rodney said over the following days, but they don't talk anymore about it. Rodney seems to be pretending it never happened in the first place, and John plays along. But for every week that passes it becomes painfully clear that there's reason behind Rodney's worries.
Rodney's getting exceedingly puzzled by simple things; explanations in shows he used to ridicule now make him confused, the geekier of John's jokes fly over his head and the smallest things seem to make his tail wag frantically. Not to mention how stilted his conversation has become, as though every word has to be carefully thought through.
But it happens so gradually that even John has trouble seeing it at first, and he was looking for it. By the fifth month of Rodney still being a Cairn Terrier, everyone seems to be noticing.
Might have a lot to do with how Rodney is now trotting up to absolutely everyone, even his least favorite scientists and the even less favored marines, looking for a pet or a cuddle.
"Rodney," John says after having been approached by Zelenka, Lorne, Sam, Teyla, Cadman and Ronon, in order, all asking him to figure out what was wrong with Rodney. John tells them what Rodney told him in succinct tones, left to deal with their reactions alone. Zelenka swears in Czech and runs to the labs, Lorne winces with a sympathetic 'sir', Sam pales, Teyla cries (and then warns him that if he tells anyone, she will beat him to the next year), Cadman hurries off to actually find him, while Ronon drags John with him for a run.
"Rodney, you in here buddy?" John says, still winded from the two hour run and hesitant in case Cadman hasn't left yet. But the minute he steps through the door, Rodney's rushing towards his feet, an chipper echo of Johnjohnjohnjohnjohn! ringing in John's ears.
"You okay?" John asks, kneeling down and stroking over Rodney's head, down the neck and his back; since the only other word John can decipher other than his name is 'pet'.
Johnjohnjohn. Play? Rodney asks and looks so pathetically hopeful, but John knows this is wrong, knows something has gone horribly wrong with Rodney, he can't bring himself to pretend.
"No, Rodney. No playing tonight." John says and gets back to his feet. "How about we just sleep? It's been a long day." Rodney's tail drops, but there's no whining as John heads for the bathroom, and once he comes out again, Rodney has curled himself up on his now usual spot on the bed.
John lies down, resting a hand on Rodney's side and closing his eyes, pushing any doubts on Rodney returning human soon away. Sometime in the night, John has decided not to tell anyone in Atlantis that Rodney can't talk to him anymore. John has to believe that if Zelenka is right, that sometimes it can really take years, then the rate of progression should change with it. It's what he clings to the next day and the rest of the week, especially when Rodney stops talking altogether, the belief that with this rate of progression, Rodney will be back as a human any day now.
Three weeks later, John wakes up to a solid warmth along nearly his entire body. His eyes snap open, staring into the same piercing blue eyes that never seemed to change with Rodney, but now there's a human face, and it's Rodney's human lip curling upward in an awkward, almost shy smile.
"Morning," Rodney says and John wants to practically cry because Rodney is right fucking there and his voice isn't in John's mind anymore.
John's pretty sure his hands are shaking, worse than the first time he stepped down from a Mustang P51, and he reaches up to Rodney's face. His fingers traces the line of Rodney's jaw, thumb sweeping over his cheeks, and Rodney is letting him - staring at him with wide, puzzled eyes but letting John touch him, lets John make sure he's really there - and then John's fingers curl around Rodney's neck and pulls him close, bringing their lips softly together, and it's only when Rodney's hands grasp at his elbows.
It's a minute before John pulls back, and when he does, Rodney mutters "no, no, no, no, no, no this is good" about to close the gap once again. But John is being forced to object to one thing.
"You've been a dog for nearly six months, Rodney."
"Yes, and your point being?" Rodney demands, and then it seems to dawn on him as his mouth shapes an 'o' of surprise. "Oh. Um, sorry. Right. Be right back." And then John's left alone on the bed as Rodney hurries into the bathroom, and John's about to shout that Rodney is not to use his toothbrush but he figures the chances are slim Rodney will listen.
"Hey Rodney," he calls, turning over to face the bathroom, and Rodney reappears in the doorway, smiling widely with messy hair and wearing a pair of John's boxers, and John finds himself grinning cheekily as his eyes finish traveling up and down the length of Rodney's body. "I'm glad you're back."
"Yes, yes, I'm glad to be back. But, ah, let's return to where we were? We can talk later, after I set fire to that device in the lab." Rodney pauses and seems to think realistically about it for a moment. "Tomorrow. We can do that tomorrow."
"Sure, Rodney. We'll do it your way."
by:
bergannpairing: McKay/Sheppard
rating/warnings: PG-13
spoilers: season 4
excerpt: "Colonel, what was that?" Carter's voice is the first thing he hears on the other side, except John is already chasing the terrier down the steps and into the hallway, while behind him he can hear Teyla state that she believed it was what Carter would call a dog.
notes: Cairn Terriers are known for being highly intelligent, stubborn and strong-willed. In addition, they're lively, strong, loyal and headstrong. Also known for sometimes being disobedient.
Which fits much better than the other dogs I originally had in mind. I am also aware that this is not really "flash" but it wouldn't END.
McKay, Zelenka, Simpson, Major Lorne and several Marines visit MT4-854 after McKay discoveres some unusual and interesting energy readings that indicate a possibility for a new ZPM.
The planet has been set aside in the Ancient database as a planet of interest, and the Ancients had, thoughtfully, decided to leave out a description.
And Rodney has, for reasons known only to Rodney still after the whole nightmare entity thing, decided to take interest in before they even notice the small bookmark. That just fueled Rodney's interest to the point where he doesn't want to wait any longer to go see why the Ancients were interested in it.
John, on strict orders from Keller to take it easy after nearly getting killed (twice) on their last mission, settles down in the gate room with Chuck to wait. He wants to be there in case McKay comes running gleefully through the Stargate, ZPM clasped to his chest with no indication of letting anyone else get near it. Ever.
After Carter tries and fails (five times) to get him working on the paperwork piled away in his office, John is left in peace with his magazine, feet propped up on one of the consoles in a way that has Chuck's left eye twitching.
It's silent in the gate room for an hour. John watches as the gate technicians keep themselves busy, in between reading about last year's golfing news. Everything is running extremely smoothly and fine, like the silence before a storm, and once that's realized, John decides to go gear up. Maybe grab a cup of coffee and a not-muffin while he has the chance.
He's just pulling on the tac vest when the alarm for unscheduled off world activation goes off. He'd have liked to be wrong about these things, just once anyway. "What is it?" He asks, running into the gate room and the event horizon is still there.
"We thought perhaps we should wait for you, Colonel." Carter says, and she must have known he was running as fast as he could to get here. "Go ahead, Major."
"Doctor McKay is missing, sir. We'd found the source of the power readings, it's an Ancient device. They were doing some tests and McKay must have touched something. Next thing we knew, he was gone."
"What do you mean, he was just gone?" John demands, stomach lurching uncomfortably because Jesus, wasn't it just like Rodney to disappear the one mission John isn't there to protect him?
"What I mean, Colonel, is that he touched an unknown Ancient device and one second he was there, bitching about the pollen, and the next he wasn't." Lorne says patiently, like he'd expected this conversation. When did he become so predictable anyway? "I have Marines looking for him in the surrounding woods. But so far, there's no sign of him, sir."
"What about Zelenka and Simpson? Have they found out if the device is some sort of...containment chamber?" John asks, after ordering a search party to be put together.
"Yes sir. They both agree that while they're not sure what the device does, Doctor McKay isn't being stored inside it. They packed it up; I'll be sending them through with it at your order, sir."
"Go ahead, Major. I'll be there shortly with a search party. Keep a lookout." John orders, as Zelenka and Simpson step through the event horizon, carrying the device that...that stole Rodney between them, and the wormhole shuts down.
Ronon and Teyla appear, a handful of Marines with them and John ignores Keller's instruction that he is not to step through the Stargate. Rodney is gone and John is damned if he isn't going to go find him.
"Colonel," Major Lorne greets them once they've stepped through.
"Major, where did you find the device?" Teyla asks, scanning the surroundings.
"It's a twenty minute walk in that direction," Lorne says and points up a path. "But there's nothing there."
"Still, it's where McKay disappeared. Chances are he might still be in that area." John reasons, letting Lorne lead the way. They're a few meters off when Ronon abruptly draws his gun, pointing it at a patch of grass that is moving. The Marines follow suit, all drawing their weapons.
"What is it?" Teyla asks, curious as everyone but Ronon and Teyla drop their weapon.
"Looks like a terrier," Lorne says after a moment of staring at the not quite grey coat of a small dog.
"It's a Cairn Terrier, sir," one of the Marines says and looks embarrassed when they all turn to look at her. "My mother used to breed Terriers."
"Well, so it is, or at least, its alien cousin." John says, and orders the men to move out in teams of two. Carter had given them permission to search until nightfall, after that they'll have to draw back and wait for morning. The terrier trots up to him, startling blue eyes huge and...Really annoyed. John's thought is backed up when the terrier visibly considers for a moment before biting the leg of his BDU. "Hey!"
"What's a Cairn Terrier?" Ronon grunts, putting his gun away because it's not like the 13" ball of fur, a mix between light beige and grey, that is currently growling with its paws pressed against John's boot, tossing his head this way and that as he fights John's pants.
"It's a breed of this animal we have on Earth called dogs." John says, shaking his leg and sending the dog sprawling on the grass.
"I have heard some of the women at Atlantis mention them. They sound a lot like our ho'ond." Teyla says, kneeling down and the dog lifts its head superiorly for a moment, before trotting over and giving her fingers a lick. "Do you think it could come with us back to Atlantis?"
Ronon rolls his eyes, because it figures Teyla starts feeling all motherly over a dog when McKay is missing. "Let's just focus on finding Rodney, for now." John says, and Teyla bows her head in agreement as she gets back to her feet, brushing her knees.
"Very well, John. Where shall we start?" Teyla asks, and once they start, the dog follows close on John's heel, the barks growing in irritation as he struggles to keep up, and occasionally there's a nip at his ankle when he stops to orient himself. It's annoying, but John has to admit, it grows on you.
They're all back at the gate once the sun is down, and McKay is still nowhere to be found. John's new friend - he's begun calling him Deif while no one is looking - has stayed with him and even as they're dialing the gate, the small dog right next to John's leg, yawning occasionally.
"Hey, listen, buddy. You can't go through the gate with us. I live in a...no-pets allowed building. Sort of." John says, and the look Deif sends him, gives him the impression that John's words were understood but not accepted.
"Colonel, we're ready." Lorne informs, and he gives the order for the men to step through.
"Alright, I guess this is it. Go look for McKay, alright? You can lead him to the gate; maybe tell him we're looking for him." John says and tries not to think about how he's talking to a dog. He reaches down to pet it, as Teyla had done moments before stepping through the gate and the dog gives his finger a sharp bite. "Ow! Fine, have it your way."
John shrugs and walks toward the even horizon, and just as he steps through, he's aware of a ball of fury running through right between his legs.
Aw crap.
"Colonel, what was that?" Carter's voice is the first thing he hears on the other side, except John is already chasing the terrier down the steps and into the hallway, while behind him he can hear Teyla state that she believed it was a dog.
The chase takes him down several hallways, up a flight of stairs and John gets the feeling that the terrier knows exactly where he's going and is making sure that John can see which way he goes. Doors open for the little devil and his mind starts forming the idea that maybe Deif has the ATA gene.
Especially considering how he just went into Rodney's personal quarters when John knows for a fact Rodney has adjusted the systems so that only he's allowed inside without special permission. John's glad Rodney included him on the few people who could gain access without Rodney standing on the other side of the door.
Still, he doesn't expect the sight that meets him, which is the terrier curled up on the floor, on top of Rodney's orange fleece from Antarctica, and the really blue eyes of the dog look like they hope he might get a clue, this time.
John does, and gathers the terrier and the fleece in his arms, surprised when the terrier lets him - actually presses his head fondly against John's chest and John carries him to the infirmary, ignoring his radio for now.
"Colonel, what a surprise." Keller says and sounds like she means it. "I thought you'd be hiding from me after going against my orders concerning your health."
"Yeah, well, that was my plan, but I need you to run some tests on this little fellow." John says, holding the terrier out for Keller to see. She lifts an eyebrow at him. "I think he might be McKay."
Keller drops the chart she had been holding, looking from the dog to John to the dog and back again. "I thought you didn't find McKay."
"We didn't. We found him, instead. I think...I think maybe the Ancient device may have mutated his genes or something. When he came through the gate, he ran straight for McKay's quarters." John says, and if this hadn't been the Pegasus Galaxy, it'd sound pretty farfetched. Or well, even more. "Can't you just...run some tests on him, see if the DNA matches Rodney's?"
"I...okay, I'll run some tests." Keller says, taking might-not-be-Rodney from his arms, and there's a small warning yip.
Watch it! The voice rings inside his head and it is unmistakably Rodney. John glances at Keller, who doesn't seem to have heard any Rodney-like voices at all, and thinks that this is exactly what he needs to complete his day.
Rodney talking to him inside his own head.
Keller returns half an hour later, orange fleece in hand and if John didn't know any better, he'd say the expression on Deif's (he's still Deif until the tests say he's Rodney) is one of righteous outrage. When he sees John, he starts barking.
She lifted my leg up! Who gave her permission? I certainly didn't. Tests, fine, but I did not give anyone permission to lift my leg. John shakes his head and tries to look like he isn't losing his mind. He knows suddenly how Rodney and Cadman must have felt, except he's left alone with Rodney's voice and there's a chance Rodney is a dog.
"It will take a few more minutes before we can be certain that he is actually Rodney." Keller says, placing dog and fleece on the bed next to where John is sitting. "But I took the liberty of running some extra tests, and I can say for certain that the dog possesses the ATA gene."
"Anything about his health?" John asks, because it'd be good to know if he should have taken the dog back to the gate at once, in case there's some weird Pegasus Galaxy bug in the fur.
"Well, I'm no veterinarian, Colonel, but he seems to be in fine health. A bit tubby, maybe, but nothing exercise won't fix." Keller says, and John ignores the outraged Tubby? TUBBY? in his mind as the terrier growls. "But I don't suppose you're planning on keeping him, even if Carter allowed it." She sounds as though she would quite like having him around.
John points out that there's a chance the terrier will turn out to be Rodney, and Keller gives him an alarmed glance. "Yes, well, the results will be done soon. Perhaps you should call Ronon and Teyla?"
"Alright," John agrees and tells them to hurry up into the hospital bay.
"Is something wrong?" Teyla asks, her voice worried. "It isn't your Cairn Terrier, is it?"
"Well, he's not mine, but it is...him, yes. I think he might be Rodney." The dog yips, almost fondly, and John doesn't hear Teyla's answer over Rodney's voice going This is why I like you. You're not a complete idiot, no matter what you try to convince people.
"I can not remember hearing any stories where humans have turned into a ho'ond." Teyla says thoughtfully, and there's the slightest hint that maybe John is losing it. "There are myths from the old days, but they are children's stories."
"No Wraith." Ronon grunts, and John takes that to mean the myths just had metamorphosis and no Wraith. Must be the Pegasus version of fairytales.
The radio goes silent, and John stares at Deif. Deif stares back. "I have McKay's voice in my head," John admits, figuring that even if this is Rodney, he'll be weirdly flattered.
Well, I'm flattered. You're clinically insane and in charge of the military on Atlantis. I'm better off as a dog, if you're starting to hear voices.
A thought occurs to him. "What are the chances that I...actually understand what you're saying?"
Do you actually want an answer to that? That is...it's... The terrier sits up, head cocked to the side. Unless...unless Atlantis has some sort of translation system. It's possible, I don't think the Ancients even knew the full extent of what she could do.
"So not completely insane." John says, only to be responded at once with, Let's not get ahead of ourselves. An experiment then. There's no reason why Atlantis should be translating for you alone.
And then Rodney starts howling Murder! Murder! at the top of his lungs. "Jesus, Rodney! Shut up!" John shouts, and Keller comes running from one direction as Teyla and Ronon enter from the other.
"John, what's wrong? Is he hurt?" Teyla asks, concerned and Rodney shuts up enough for John to feel safe to take his hands away from his ears. Not that it helps when Rodney is not just a dog, but inside his own fucking head.
"He's experimenting," John says and it takes a moment before he realizes they're all staring at him. "What?"
"How do you know what he's doing?" Keller asks, and John sees the pencil suddenly poised to scribble down whatever John says.
"Um, I think Atlantis is translating what he says. Well, barks." John shifts on his chair, and wishes they had proof of this before he had to admit it to anyone. "You guys can't hear him?"
Ronon likes to listen to Dido. Rodney yips causing John to choke on a laugh, and the blue eyes widen dramatically, making him look adorable, and John really wishes there was another word for it. He thinks it's a defense in case Ronon actually can hear and has plans to kill him.
"We can not hear anything but the bark," Teyla looks almost disappointed, and her gentle fingers scratch briefly behind Rodney's darkly colored ear. There's a content sigh from the terrier. "Perhaps Atlantis can only translate to one."
"Might just be nuts," Ronon points out and grins.
"Well, whatever the reason, the tests are definite. The dog is definitely Rodney McKay."
We already knew that, Rodney tells John, and droops a little when Teyla stops scratching. Dolittle, tell her we already knew that.
John ignores him.
"Then we should go inform Colonel Carter and the rest." Teyla says decisively, and before she can move properly to pick Rodney up, John has him gathered in his arms.
Oh yes, Colonel Dolittle. Take advantage of the fact no one else can hear my opinion. You're lucky I don't bite you. Rodney says, but doesn't sound as though he minds as much as he could have.
"Stop calling me Dolittle." John hisses, trying to make it so that Ronon and Teyla can't hear him. He forgets the part where they hear everything.
"What's Dolittle?" Ronon asks, glancing down at the dog McKay.
"It's a movie about a doctor called Dolittle who can understand and talk to animals." John explains with a sigh. "He has to rescue a tiger."
"Could be you." Ronon says after a moment, and Rodney snorts in what John has to assume is the dog equivalent of a laugh.
Carter keeps her face carefully blank throughout John's explanation - which had started with, "I found him on MT4-854, mom, can I keep him?" - changed only whenever Rodney feels the need to correct him, so more than really necessary. After Carter informs the science lab and Lorne of Rodney's condition, she gives Rodney permission to go into his lab and oversee their work.
John feels hopeful about this, getting away from Rodney to feel once again what it's like to be alone in his own head, when Carter orders him to go with him.
"Why?"
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Colonel, but you are the only currently able to speak with Dr. McKay. If he is to help, he will need someone to translate."
John hadn't really thought of that, even though he knew he should have. Rodney's tail has dropped, and if John would say that he was actually sulking. "Alright. Come on, Rodney." John says, leaning down to pick him up except the Cairn barks and walks pointedly to the door.
I have turned into a dog, Colonel, not disabled. Rodney's offended tone says, and John sighs before following. Ronon and Teyla promise to drop in later, except Rodney is already hurrying down the halls and John has to run to keep up.
He stops after a moment and looks embarrassed, looking this way and that in the hallway, and for a moment John thinks he's lost. "The science lab is this way," John says and points, and gets an eye roll in response.
I know it's that way, Colonel. I just...I have to...you know. Rodney sounds miserable, and for a moment John really doesn't know what he's talking about and then it hits him.
"OH. Well, I'm not...where could you go?" John asks, and then suddenly the knowledge is there, warm and sudden, and John silently thanks Atlantis. "Wait, I know where you can go." And there is the sound of Rodney's claws on the floor as he follows John to the nearest transporter.
A short walk from where the transporter ends up, John passes his hand by the console on the side, and the doors slide open to reveal a surprisingly lush garden.
How very Secret Garden of you, Rodney barks, walking into the garden with his nose on the ground. How did you know this was here anyway?
"I asked Atlantis," John answers, and figures the tone in Rodney's voice has little do with him and more to do with the fact he has to urinate like a dog. John turns his back to Rodney and stares at one of the giant trees, wondering how this has been hidden from them for so long. The botanists would go into spontaneous orgasms here, and John is not thinking down that line of thought anymore.
Rodney walks past him, yipping a ready and even in that word, Rodney sounds quite annoyed.
"Alright, Rodney, tell me what I did wrong." John says, watching as Rodney trots down the corridor with his nose stuck to the ground. "And then maybe tell me what the hell you're doing."
If you don't know, you're more oblivious than I previously gave you credit for. Figure it out. Rodney tells him snippily, and quickens his pace.
"Alright," John says agreeably and figures he'll have some time to puzzle out what he did to offend Rodney this time and a suitable apology to make up for it. "Then how about telling me what you're doing?"
It's...it's the smells. They're very distracting. I mean, they're everywhere and there's so many of them. It's amazing, I can actually smell what they're cooking in the mess. Rodney's quiet for a moment, eventually adding: if that was the last of the not-chocolate, not-muffins, I will bite your leg.
"I saved one for you," John admits, and Rodney's tail wags a little. "So what's it like being a Cairn Terrier?"
Small. Black and white. Rodney stops outside the doors to the labs and hesitates. Everything is very loud, and it's like...it's like what I smell makes everything colorful.
"Aren't you going in?" John asks, stopping next to the small dog that seems to be shaking. "Are you feeling alright?"
Fine. Fine. I just have to face my minions while looking like a cute little puppy. It's not exactly something I look forward to, Colonel.
"Well you don't have to," John reasons, because he's sure Zelenka and Simpson can figure it out on their own. Rodney hasn't been there for absolutely every catastrophe that has happened to Atlantis.
And do what instead, exactly? Play fetch? Rodney asks, voice scorning. John schools his features enough so that he can pretend he hadn't kind of wanted to play some sort of game with Rodney as a dog. No. The sooner I'm back as a human, the better.
And with that, the doors swish open and Rodney goes into the labs. John follows and thinks he has never heard the labs this quiet as everyone seems to be staring at the small dog on the floor. Rodney barks demandingly for everyone to go back to work, and though John thinks they didn't understand exactly what he said, they got the meaning; because everyone turns hurriedly back to they're work.
"Over here," Zelenka calls and they make their way over to where he is sitting. Rodney spots the cot he has set up in case of long nights, and he gathers himself together and leaps onto it. It gives him a view of the entire room, and the device that caused his condition especially.
"Have you found anything out?" John asks, as Rodney seems to be reading the various diagrams and equations on Zelenka's laptop.
"Well, we have found some things. Several in fact. But it is mainly about its function, still it is unclear, though there is nothing about how to reverse the effect." Zelenka says, pushing his glasses further up his nose. "What we have had time to translate from the database suggest it is an Ascension device. But it is unclear. Many of these words we haven't encountered before. But it is not like the other one, this is to...let you experience another view on life. Make it...jednodušší - simpler."
So I won't have to choose between Ascension or death? Rodney asks, and John translates it for him. Zelenka's eyes flicker between them for a moment, surprised and John remembers that Zelenka wasn't told about the link. "I can kind of...understand what McKay is saying." John says with a shrug, feeling awkward.
"Really? That is remarkable. Is it like an actual voice you hear?" Zelenka asks, eyes shining with interest.
"No, it's more inside my head. Like...a thought, only it's Rodney's voice." John says, and Rodney heaves a martyred sigh.
"Sorry. No, Rodney, this is merely to change your view and to help you connect with all life forms, I should think." Zelenka explains, hitting a few keys on the laptop. "The Ancients had the belief that by experiencing what it's like to be not human, it would make it easier to Ascend."
"Why a Cairn Terrier?" John asks, and as Rodney mutters about lazy, shortcutting Ascended bastards.
Zelenka shrugs eloquently. "We have no idea. It seems completely random. Rodney is lucky he ended up a small dog, not a lion you'd shoot on sight. As is your habit."
And you said you hadn't found any way of reversing the effect? Rodney barks, and John hefts himself onto the workbench across from Rodney while talking.
"No, none. I...wish I did not have to say this, Rodney, but I fear that perhaps your state is permanent until you...embrace the simpler life as an animal." Zelenka says, and his eyes stare at the data pad connected to the device rather than at Rodney.
John, however, does and watches as Rodney lies down, head resting on one side of his right foot. His heart clenches painfully at the look on Rodney's face, blue eyes as discouraged as John's ever seen them.
"But that could take..."
"Days, weeks, months or even years, yes." Zelenka says unhappily. "As always, the Ancient's inventions have their flaw."
I almost miss the ultimatum of Ascend or die. Rodney sounds miserable and before John can think, he's down from the workbench and on the cot, gathering Rodney in his arms and hugging him tight.
"We'll figure something out." John promises, voice low and trying to swallow his surprise that Rodney doesn't struggle, but repeats the events of earlier as he snuggles his head against John's chest. They're both shaking. "I'm not going to let you be stuck as a Cairn Terrier, Rodney. We're going to fix this."
Three hours later, Rodney surprises everyone in the lab (after John had gotten over his own initial shock and translated) by giving up for the night. John, no longer wanting to be away from Rodney because he can handle having Rodney in his head when Rodney was stuck as a fucking dog, follows Rodney down the halls and doesn't realize until he's in his own quarters that that's where Rodney's lead him.
"I thought you were going to bed," John says, leaning against the wall and Rodney turns to stare incredulously at him.
I'm a dog, in case you haven't really noticed, Sheppard. You're the only one I can talk to, and there is no use for me to sleep in my quarters when really the only thing I would do is sleep. This saves us time.
"Oh, right. Do you want...blankets or a pillow?" John offers lamely, and Rodney huffs in a suffering way before leaping onto John's bed. "That's already too small for me."
Masochist. Rodney says as he stomps around - tests, John guesses - on his mattress. How is your spine not irrevocably damaged?
"Lucky, I guess. But Rodney, I'm going to kick you in the middle of the night and you'll bite my leg, and we'll end up in the infirmary." John says, and Rodney sighs before going back down on the floor.
You may have a point, Sheppard. But I'm still going to use your favorite piece of clothing for a pillow for not sharing.
John decides not to comment, putting two extra blankets on the floor and watches with some amazement as Rodney comes trotting out of his closet, black turtleneck sweater in his jaws and dragging along the ground. John can't remember giving any indication that it is his favorite, but Rodney's spot on, and that's...somewhat spooky.
Rodney looks smug, as much as a terrier can. John heads for the bathroom, and when he gets back, Rodney is curled up on the floor and true to his word, his head is resting on John's bundled sweater. "Night, Rodney." John says, thinking the light off and in the darkness and the silence, John can hear the slightest thump of Rodney's tail.
I'll be human tomorrow, Rodney promises and they're both out within minutes. Rodney jumps onto the bed in the middle of the night, treading carefully on the mattress until he lies down, pressing his muzzle against John's wrist. John carefully lets his breath out, pretending to be asleep as Rodney lets out a sigh and once again, they both fall asleep.
The next day offers no change for Rodney, and neither does the next one after that or the day after that. After nearly a week, Rodney and John have put together the basis for a language so that Rodney doesn't have to rely completely on John to communicate, while Sam, Zelenka and John have conspired together and set up an order for some dog equipment for the Daedalus to bring - even though Zelenka had been insistent that Rodney could turn back any day.
Anyone with more than a basic grasp on the Ancient language had had their turn trying to translate the exact text, but by the third week there's several theories on why the device was created and the function, but there's none on how to turn Rodney back or how to speed the process up to complete the function.
Everyone is slightly amazed to see how well Rodney has decided to adapt to being a dog. He trots after John most of the time, unless Zelenka requests his help in the labs or Teyla takes him off to talk (how, no one tells him) and, when he asked Teyla, apparently meditate. With her current mood swings and not-quite-forgiving him for his reaction to her pregnancy, John is afraid to point out that Rodney is a dog and so meditating should be hard. Rodney even joins Ronon and John for their run in the morning, after discovering that he apparently can't concentrate for the entire day unless he exercises. A lot.
Only John knows that Rodney isn't adapting as well as he likes everyone to believe. He hears the rants, despairing speeches and pep talks Rodney gives himself when he thinks John is asleep. Rodney doesn't mention it to John, however, instead there are requests for watching movies or television shows that used to be perfectly normal watching with Rodney McKay, human astrophysicists, but are just weird watching with Rodney McKay, Cairn Terrier. John's pretty sure discussing Star Wars with a dog is taken as a sign of madness by pretty much every culture.
John's okay with it, selfishly he doesn't want to deal with a huge emotional talk with Rodney about it, but it has to happen sometime. Perhaps not so surprising, it is Teyla who brings it up during a lunch with John and Ronon, while Rodney is down in the labs with Zelenka.
"You have to talk with him, John," Teyla says, and John briefly considers faking an emergency until Teyla's legs clamps one of John's between them like a vice. Ronon smirks, as though he's perfectly aware what Teyla's doing and he probably does, the bastard, and puts some more of the chicken in his mouth. "He is unhappy."
"He's a dog, Teyla! I'd be pretty unhappy if I was stuck as a dog too." John points out and goes silent under Teyla's gaze.
"I am well aware of this, John. He is a dog in shape, but his mind is still our Rodney, and all of us have a hard time understanding that. Accepting it and offering him proper comfort."
"I let him sleep in my bed!" John says, a bit too loudly, he realizes, as some marines sitting close by turn in their seats. "How much more comforting do you want me to get?"
"John!" Teyla shrieks and even Ronon looks kind of shocked. "Imagine you are Rodney, John. You are stuck as a dog for several weeks without a sure way of getting your own body back, and the only person who can understand and talk to you, is Rodney." Teyla goes silent, letting John think it over for a minute before continuing, "Now imagine that in this state, the one person who can talk to you doesn't. Imagine how alone you would feel."
"She's right." Ronon says, and pushes a plate full of chicken toward him. "Take this to McKay. Talk when he can't."
"Yeah, thanks." John says, and Teyla bows her head, letting John's leg go. The whole city is rocked by a violent shock before John has had a chance to get on his feet, and they're already running to the control room when the alarms go off, and the next twenty-seven hours are spent trying to figure out a way for Atlantis and the Loch Ness monsters apparently living in the ocean on their new planet, to coexist on the planet.
It's solved by moving the city five feet to the right and Rodney, who came up with the idea, is nowhere to be found. It's only after an hour that Chuck locates him on the LSD and John walks slower than necessary to Rodney's quarters, knowing that the conversation is going to happen now and being painfully aware he doesn't have the chicken Ronon had saved to bribe Rodney with.
"Rodney," John calls, standing still in the doorway and there's a rustle of sheets and then Rodney's head pops out from the pile of sheets on the bed. "We've been looking everywhere for you."
Sorry. I had to... Rodney sighs, and the pile seems to collapse a little, Rodney's muzzle appearing from underneath the white sheets.
"I think we should talk, Rodney," John says, stepping over the threshold and tells himself he isn't hovering by Rodney.
We talk all the time. Rodney tells him, in a voice that suggest he knows what John is talking about. I would call what we are doing right now talking. Talking, Sheppard, is to address spoken words to somebody, whether it is to discuss a subject or to express an opinion.
"You know what I mean."
I do, I also know Teyla made you. You can go tell her we did, I'm a complete wreck but holding up bravely as long as you keep feeding me, and we won't be awkward for days after. Rodney suggests, and it sounds like the sort of plan they'd go along with in the past, but John's determined now.
"Rodney, I'm giving you a chance to talk about this. If you can seriously tell me you don't want to talk, then fine. We won't. We can go for a run or watch Loch Ness monsters from the balcony, maybe find something for you to eat in the mess."
Liopleurodons, not Loch Ness monsters. Rodney says sourly, and some more of the terrier's head comes out from beneath the sheets. This is going to sound silly but...I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.
"I thought the change had no effect on your mind." John says, frowning and trying to remember the various theories word for word.
Yes, I know. What they've been able to translate only suggests I need to embrace this life, which is apparently so much simpler except the only real difference I can see is that everyone has a hard time not petting or stroking me, I can't talk to anyone but you and I'm about to go insane from boredom. Rodney growls miserably, and makes a low pitched whine. But I keep forgetting things. At first it was normal things I used to forget all the time, names or dates or whatever, but now it's equations and when Zelenka and I were doing a round of Prime/Not Prime, I got three wrong.
John thinks he might be the only one in Atlantis right now who knows how bad this is for Rodney, and he swallows the worry down. "The Ancient database would have mentioned if you were going start losing your mind."
Really? Because they've always been so careful not to spring any surprises at us in the past. Rodney says sarcastically. Like coming back to the city and saying 'oh yes, thank you so much for keeping the city safe from Wraith and other various angry alien life forms in this crazy galaxy. I think it's only fair we kick you out on your asses and nearly lose the city in the extremely brief period of time we are back in control of it.'
"Yeah, but Rodney...you're a dog." John says uncomfortably, scratching the back of his neck. "Dogs aren't really made for thinking about prime/not prime and astrophysics."
But I have to. You'll all die if I don't. Rodney throws back, and John silently admits that without Rodney, Atlantis will be kind of fucked.
"How do you and Zelenka play Prime/Not Prime when you can't..." John trails off, finishing the sentence in his head, but Rodney doesn't sound offended when he replies, just relieved at the change of topic. John feels like an ass, but he never claimed to be good at this sort of thing.
He says a number, I say yes or no. Rodney explains, and John thinks maybe Teyla was wrong that they're all treating Rodney as though he is radically different. I'm glad we talked, John. Rodney says into the silence that falls, and John places his hand on Rodney's head, thumb stroking over the left ear and there's a happy sigh from the Cairn.
"You'll be fine, Rodney." John says, and believes it.
John thinks a lot about what Rodney said over the following days, but they don't talk anymore about it. Rodney seems to be pretending it never happened in the first place, and John plays along. But for every week that passes it becomes painfully clear that there's reason behind Rodney's worries.
Rodney's getting exceedingly puzzled by simple things; explanations in shows he used to ridicule now make him confused, the geekier of John's jokes fly over his head and the smallest things seem to make his tail wag frantically. Not to mention how stilted his conversation has become, as though every word has to be carefully thought through.
But it happens so gradually that even John has trouble seeing it at first, and he was looking for it. By the fifth month of Rodney still being a Cairn Terrier, everyone seems to be noticing.
Might have a lot to do with how Rodney is now trotting up to absolutely everyone, even his least favorite scientists and the even less favored marines, looking for a pet or a cuddle.
"Rodney," John says after having been approached by Zelenka, Lorne, Sam, Teyla, Cadman and Ronon, in order, all asking him to figure out what was wrong with Rodney. John tells them what Rodney told him in succinct tones, left to deal with their reactions alone. Zelenka swears in Czech and runs to the labs, Lorne winces with a sympathetic 'sir', Sam pales, Teyla cries (and then warns him that if he tells anyone, she will beat him to the next year), Cadman hurries off to actually find him, while Ronon drags John with him for a run.
"Rodney, you in here buddy?" John says, still winded from the two hour run and hesitant in case Cadman hasn't left yet. But the minute he steps through the door, Rodney's rushing towards his feet, an chipper echo of Johnjohnjohnjohnjohn! ringing in John's ears.
"You okay?" John asks, kneeling down and stroking over Rodney's head, down the neck and his back; since the only other word John can decipher other than his name is 'pet'.
Johnjohnjohn. Play? Rodney asks and looks so pathetically hopeful, but John knows this is wrong, knows something has gone horribly wrong with Rodney, he can't bring himself to pretend.
"No, Rodney. No playing tonight." John says and gets back to his feet. "How about we just sleep? It's been a long day." Rodney's tail drops, but there's no whining as John heads for the bathroom, and once he comes out again, Rodney has curled himself up on his now usual spot on the bed.
John lies down, resting a hand on Rodney's side and closing his eyes, pushing any doubts on Rodney returning human soon away. Sometime in the night, John has decided not to tell anyone in Atlantis that Rodney can't talk to him anymore. John has to believe that if Zelenka is right, that sometimes it can really take years, then the rate of progression should change with it. It's what he clings to the next day and the rest of the week, especially when Rodney stops talking altogether, the belief that with this rate of progression, Rodney will be back as a human any day now.
Three weeks later, John wakes up to a solid warmth along nearly his entire body. His eyes snap open, staring into the same piercing blue eyes that never seemed to change with Rodney, but now there's a human face, and it's Rodney's human lip curling upward in an awkward, almost shy smile.
"Morning," Rodney says and John wants to practically cry because Rodney is right fucking there and his voice isn't in John's mind anymore.
John's pretty sure his hands are shaking, worse than the first time he stepped down from a Mustang P51, and he reaches up to Rodney's face. His fingers traces the line of Rodney's jaw, thumb sweeping over his cheeks, and Rodney is letting him - staring at him with wide, puzzled eyes but letting John touch him, lets John make sure he's really there - and then John's fingers curl around Rodney's neck and pulls him close, bringing their lips softly together, and it's only when Rodney's hands grasp at his elbows.
It's a minute before John pulls back, and when he does, Rodney mutters "no, no, no, no, no, no this is good" about to close the gap once again. But John is being forced to object to one thing.
"You've been a dog for nearly six months, Rodney."
"Yes, and your point being?" Rodney demands, and then it seems to dawn on him as his mouth shapes an 'o' of surprise. "Oh. Um, sorry. Right. Be right back." And then John's left alone on the bed as Rodney hurries into the bathroom, and John's about to shout that Rodney is not to use his toothbrush but he figures the chances are slim Rodney will listen.
"Hey Rodney," he calls, turning over to face the bathroom, and Rodney reappears in the doorway, smiling widely with messy hair and wearing a pair of John's boxers, and John finds himself grinning cheekily as his eyes finish traveling up and down the length of Rodney's body. "I'm glad you're back."
"Yes, yes, I'm glad to be back. But, ah, let's return to where we were? We can talk later, after I set fire to that device in the lab." Rodney pauses and seems to think realistically about it for a moment. "Tomorrow. We can do that tomorrow."
"Sure, Rodney. We'll do it your way."
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Date: 2008-01-13 02:37 am (UTC)I'll be saving this on my hard drive and including it on my recs list next time I update it. :-)
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