Rodney McKay Is A Very Bad Manager by synecdochic

[synecdochic]

Title: Rodney McKay Is A Very Bad Manager
Author: synecdochic
Warnings: Gratuitous use of Microsoft Word documents.
Spoilers: Not really.
Notes: Written for the Documentation Challenge. No, this really isn't my way of dealing with the trauma of January being Performance Review Month. Really. If you don't have Word, you can download a reader here.

 PINE 4.44   MESSAGE TEXT          Inbox  Msg 1892 of 1892 100%      
                                                                                
Date: Sun, 29 Jan 2006 26:17:04 AST                                           
From: Elizabeth Weir <eweir@localhost>
To: Rodney McKay <rmckay@localhost>                                          
Subject: Performance Reviews

Rodney, 

I know you're busy, but Dr. Zelenka's performance review is extremely 
overdue, and I need you to have it done before tomorrow's databurst back
to Earth. Please take a moment and get it to me first thing tomorrow
morning.

--Elizabeth
                    


? Help       < MsgIndex   P PrevMsg       - PrevPage D Delete     R Reply       
O OTHER CMDS > ViewAttch  N NextMsg     Spc NextPage U Undelete   F Forward 





 PINE 4.44   MESSAGE TEXT          Inbox  Msg 12 of 12 79%      
                                                                                
Date: Mon, 30 Jan 2006 04:39:12 AST                                           
From: "Dr. Rodney McKay" <rmckay@localhost>
To: Elizabeth Weir <eweir@localhost>                                          
Subject: Re: Performance Reviews
Parts/Attachments:                                                              
   1 Shown     2 lines  Text                                                    
   2   OK     60 KB     Application                                             

(See attached file: RZelenka.doc)

    [ Part 2, Application/MSWORD  59KB. ]                                      
    [ Not Shown. Use the "V" command to view or save this part. ]               
                        

What lobotomized rhesus monkey designed this thing? If you want anything
more detailed than this, do it yourself; I don't have time. 
                    


? Help       < MsgIndex   P PrevMsg       - PrevPage D Delete     R Reply       
O OTHER CMDS > ViewAttch  N NextMsg     Spc NextPage U Undelete   F Forward 



 PINE 4.44   MESSAGE TEXT          Inbox  Msg 1934 of 1934 100%      
                                                                                
Date: Mon, 30 Jan 2006 09:20:53 AST                                           
From: Elizabeth Weir <eweir@localhost>
To: Rodney McKay <rmckay@localhost>                                          
Subject: Re: Performance Reviews

Why don't we just send it with next week's transmission. That will
give you time to carefully evaluate your comments and provide more 
in-depth analysis of Dr. Zelenka's strengths and weaknesses.

-- Elizabeth

PS: You are not allowed to use the words "idiotic", "moron", "mouthbreather",
or "cretin". Come to think of it, you're overdue for the anti-harassment
training. Please schedule some time to complete the web-based training
course as soon as possible.
                    


? Help       < MsgIndex   P PrevMsg       - PrevPage D Delete     R Reply       
O OTHER CMDS > ViewAttch  N NextMsg     Spc NextPage U Undelete   F Forward 

Comments

[jillsjourney.livejournal.com]

oh my god, screamingly funny. i appreciate your attention to detail - you even updated the properties of the file. i love you. and i love that zelenka got marked down for not sharing his engineering quarterlies.

[synecdochic]

I think I'm most fond of the fact that Rodney is an email hoarder while Elizabeth is an email filer -- there are two distinct methods of inbox management!

The prospect of writing this was the only thing that kept me sane during the whole process of writing performance reviews for my staff. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I had this perpetual image of Rodney having been awake for 36 hours working on something critical, opening the file, and saying "...You have got to be kidding me." :)

[torakowalski.livejournal.com]

Hee, this is brilliantly funny and also kind of sweet.

Making sure things don’t blow up/fail to blow up (as applicable)

*giggles*

Does get credit for being able to apparently read my mind

Aww!

[synecdochic]

I think Rodney totally has this "he's a damn good scientist, but don't you dare tell him I said that" thing going on with Zelenka. :)

[claire.livejournal.com]

Inbox Msg 1934 of 1934 100%

Ahahahaha! They are total pussies for using PINE though ;)

[synecdochic]

Hush. pine is the One True Email Client.

(Rodney's inbox is actually smaller than mine is right now. I need an email day *so badly*.)

[paranoidangel]

That's quite a long form, but very funny. Is it sad that I got all excited that they were using pine? :)

[synecdochic]

Not at all -- it's good to know that other people have appreciation for the classics, too :)

(The form, sadly enough, is not fictional. I just stripped the company-specific stuff.)

[ruric.livejournal.com]

How scary is it that your forms resemble the RL forms I have to copete for work so very closely. Except yours runs to 5 pages and ours to 10!

My sympathies are totally with Rodney - I find it a complee waste of time to fill out 10 pages of guff and only wish we could complete ours as honestly as Rdoney has done here *G*

I really did love this.

[synecdochic]

I actually stole the form and adapted it from what I had to fill out for people. The entire time I was filling out performance reviews, I was thinking, "God, I wonder how badly a form like this would go over on Atlantis."

I almost did Rodney doing Kavanagh's review, but I didn't feel like thinking up thirty-seven synonyms for "idiot". :)

[marag.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha! Just perfect :) And I'm totally with Rodney on the idiocy of the forms...

[synecdochic]

I have never, ever seen one of those forms that was actually totally applicable to the organization requiring its use. It makes me wonder who the hell actually writes them.

[theodosia.livejournal.com]

Thank you for a very excellent morning gigglefest.

I am grateful that of all the bad managers I've had, none have been Rodney McKay. :-)

[synecdochic]

I think my staff is grateful that I try to minimize my McKay tendencies :)

(I actually think that Rodney isn't *as* bad as fanon usually has it. He's derisive and short-tempered and really, really bad at "professional", but as someone who's worked with (and for) a lot of geeks and engineers and other technical people, the Rodney I see in the show comes across more as "impatient and short-tempered with all the pressures on himself and with others" and not "fundamentally incapable of interacting with other humans" the way some of the tech people I've worked with have been. I have had *much* worse managers than Rodney.)

[porntestpilot.livejournal.com]

OMG! PINE! I used that in college. I don't miss it at all.

I loved this! The main goal is not to die horribly...or embarass the name of science. That sounds about right.

Anti-harassment training. Yeah right. Good Luck Elizabeth!

[synecdochic]

Really, you can't get any more basic goals than that, right? :)

(I think the only way Elizabeth would get Rodney to anti-harassment training would be to TIE HIM DOWN. Or have John do it. *g*)

[dzurlady.livejournal.com]

Hee. :)

[synecdochic]

Thank you :)

[hotspur18.livejournal.com]

Hilarious!

:-) xx

[synecdochic]

Thanks!

[ria-kukalaka.livejournal.com]

Very, very funny :D

Very Rodney! Now I want to see the 'self-reflection' section ;)

[synecdochic]

Oh, God, Rodney doing his self-review would be priceless.

[egiggle.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! That's the hardest I've ever laughed at a fic! *less than three*

[synecdochic]

Thank you! Poor Zelenka. I can only imagine his reaction. :)

[zoerayne]

OMG pine! Blast from the past there (for some of us, at least). *g*

Very funny, thanks!

[synecdochic]

I was so bummed out when external pressures meant that I had to switch from using pine. It served me well for about ten years. :)

[kelliem.livejournal.com]

OMG They're using PINE! I love PINE. *sigh* I'm one of the last holdouts on my campus, nearly everyone but me and a handful of others have moved to webmail.

And yes, Rodney would be a nightmare to have as a manager. :)

[synecdochic]

I was actually saying upthread that I don't think Rodney's as much of a nightmare of a manager as fanon might have it. I see impatience and lack of social skills from him, but I also don't see any real maliciousness, and his impatience with stupidity is more because he feels it's unworthy than because he just doesn't care -- he tears people down because he wants to push them to give 150%, not because he enjoys it.

Maybe I'm just skewed from having worked for geeks and engineers for a really, really long time, though. It's amazing how many people in the tech field are like, poster children for Asperger's syndrome.

[chopchica.livejournal.com]

YAY! YOU DID IT!

[synecdochic]

I COULDN'T RESIST.

[kickthebeat.livejournal.com]

yessssssssssssssssssssss. HOW DID I KNOW YOU WOULD WRITE HIM EVENTUALLY? don't tell anyone else, but you are totally my favourite.

[synecdochic]

You knew because you KNOW ME. AND YOU KNOW I TOTALLY COULDN'T RESIST.

very bad manager

[laceymcbain.livejournal.com]

If I’d written this document, it would consist solely of one box: “Did employee utterly disgrace the name of science during the review period? (Y/N)”

That's SO Rodney!! I loved his response to the form and his comments. Nicely done. I adore Rodney on the show, but in reality, he would be an absolute nightmare to work with.

Re: very bad manager

[synecdochic]

A challenge, but I don't think it would cross over totally into "nightmare". I've worked with a lot of people like Rodney (and, believe it or not, even worse than Rodney) and there's *always* a way to approach it/them in their own language. The trick is whether or not you find it before they manage to utterly crush you. :)

[cereta.livejournal.com]

BWAH! Love the email (Pine!), love the form, love Rodney's answers.

[synecdochic]

Thank you!

[threnodyjones.livejournal.com]

Fantastic! And oh, man! Somebody other than me uses a pine shell!

[synecdochic]

I don't anymore, unfortunately, which is sad, because i had mine set up with all sorts of scripts and plugins and it sorted everything for me automatically and auuugh I miss it!

[spike21.livejournal.com]

Pine!!! I loved Pine. *pines for pine*

This is pretty much perfect. You got their voices, your attention to detail makes my day. Rodney has got to be a HIDEOUSLY bad manager, for which I love him dearly. *g* And I'd love to see Zelenka's comment.

[synecdochic]

I would imagine that Zelenka would get this document, look at it, and say something along the lines of "Well, that's more patience than I thought he'd have." :)

[therisingmoon.livejournal.com]

haha, just perfect! and rodney's answers are so him. XD

[synecdochic]

Thank you!

[cofax7]

Much as you love Pine, I've worked for the government: what do you want to bet the SGC is locked into a multi-year contract with Microsoft? So the geeks hack the system and load their own clients, but Elizabeth can't bring herself to break the rules and the military guys don't care enough.

This is a great little thing, and I loved Rodney's backhanded compliments for Radek. Can't wait to see his responses.

If he has to take the same harrassment training I did, though, I predict fireworks: it's so fucking slow...

[synecdochic]

I'd actually bet considerably *against* them using MS products, believe it or not. (And yes, I know about gov't work.) The SGC is primarily military, but it's also got a strong geek quotient, and I doubt their geeks would let them rely on anything with such a proven track record of vulnerabilities. (Not to mention the fact that a lot of the scientific software they'd be needing doesn't run on anything other than thirty-year-old mainframes, or if it does, it's a new port and the old-school military/academic geeks wouldn't trust it. I would lay money on SGC still having and occasionally using a VAX -- not as primary system, but they'd still have it. And run SPSS on it, because half the scientists can't bring themselves to change their old working habits.)

For the Atlantis expedition, though, the one main reason I think they'd go with something *nix would be the tech support factor. It costs a LOT more in both time and money to support MS, and they'd be planning the expedition for long-term sustainability...

(I may have done way too much thinking about this.)

I really do think Radek's response would be something along the lines of "That was far nicer than I would have expected." He knows Rodney. :)

[justalurkr.livejournal.com]

Yes, see, my "homework" this weekend is writing the employee input to the performance appraisal. I double-dog dare you to have one of Rodney's direct reports explain his/her own weaknesses to His Majesty McKay.

Oh, yes. I went there. :D

[synecdochic]

That would be classic. I would also love to see Rodney explaining his own weaknesses to *his* supervisor. It's a good thing Elizabeth likes him. :)

[charlidos.livejournal.com]

Hee! This is fabulous! Exactly how I'd imagine Rodney would do this (but infinitely better, since it's *you* doing it and not me...). :D

[synecdochic]

Aww, thank you! I just have this image of him starting out and being all "okay, I'm going to try to take this seriously", and five minutes in just rolling his eyes and saying okay, that's it, i'm done.

[norabombay.livejournal.com]

oh god. I hate performance appraisals with all my black little heart.

This? This is brilliant.

[synecdochic]

I HATE THEM TOO. The prospect of doing this is the only thing that got me through it. :)