ext_2047: (Default)
[identity profile] bironic.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] sga_flashfic
Title: An Unanticipated Side Effect of Dosing Oneself with Wraith Enzyme to Deliver an Important Message
Author: [livejournal.com profile] bironic
Character: Rodney/team gen
Rating: PG
Word Count: 513
Summary: A sestina playing with what might have been going through Rodney's head when he returned to Atlantis in "The Hive."
A/N: Many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] daasgrrl, [livejournal.com profile] elynittria and [livejournal.com profile] synn for concrit.



It was very strange. The whole time I was under the influence of the enzyme, it felt like I was, ah, I was perfectly lucid—eloquent, even. That it was you who wasn't making any sense or listening to reason.

- McKay, "The Hive"



Three goons down (pow! whamm! crunch!) and a bottle of enzyme
coursing through his bloodstream and the DHD fixed and at last Rodney
has made it back to Atlantis so he can explain the very important
situation, the, the whatsit, the crisis, that's got Sheppard
and Teyla and Ronon stuck on the Wraith hive ship
with crazy-man Ford where they have to be rescued before they die

and oh my God they're going to die but they can't die, they won't die
because they're all still hopped up on the enzyme
and it's not like there'd be a short supply of it on a hive ship
what with all the Wraith and all and oh look here's Elizabeth so Rodney
opens his mouth to tell her about Ronon and Teyla and Sheppard
and Ford and the dart and the unbelievably bad plan because it's important,

it's so, so important, huh, that's a strange word, im-por-tant,
and what was he saying again? Oh right, right, they're all going to die
if they haven't died already, between Ford being crazy and Sheppard
being heroic and Ronon and Teyla probably going through enzyme
withdrawal by now which is exactly what's going to happen to Rodney
very soon so he really really has to tell Elizabeth about the hive ship

before he collapses because three quarters of his team being on a hive ship
having the life sucked out of them is a very bad thing, ergo it's important
they get them out, so why is everyone just standing around? Hello? Is Rodney
speaking Ancient here? Why is Elizabeth staring at him when his team's about to die,
dammit? He knows everyone around him is some shade of stupid but the enzyme
must make it worse somehow because they don't understand that Sheppard

and Teyla and Ronon are in mortal danger and for once Sheppard's
charm isn't going to save them because charm doesn't work on a hive ship
full of Wraith with their, their webs and their ridiculous teeth and their enzyme,
mm, enzyme, is it hot in here? It feels hot in here. Wait, there's something important
he has to tell Elizabeth, even though his heart's beating so fast he thinks he might die
of a heart attack before he convinces these people to get moving, and then Rodney

finds himself being led away from the gate while Elizabeth says Rodney,
Rodney, slow down
—no no no no no they're going the wrong way, Sheppard
and the others are through the gate that way where they're going to die
of unnatural old age in a dark and dusty cell in a forgotten corner of a hive ship
because their expedition leader couldn't comprehend how important
it was to—to—oh, hello, woozy, ooh, look at the pretty colours. Enzyme

crash
, Rodney thinks, and drops helpless to the floor while on the hive ship
Teyla, Sheppard and Ronon could be counting on him to do this single stupid important
thing. Haunted by the image of his friends' faces as they die, he succumbs to the enzyme.



(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 03:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spike21.livejournal.com
that was pretty cool.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 03:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kassrachel.livejournal.com
Oh my God I think I love you.

Seriously. You wrote a sestina. A Rodney hopped-up on Wraith enzyme sestina!

This manages to sound totally like Rodney, and fit all of the rules of the form -- which my favorite sestinas do, but which is way harder than it looks, so mad props to you.

Hee. A Rodney sestina. That's going to make me happy all day.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 03:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kassrachel.livejournal.com
er, I should have said -- my favorite sestinas manage to flow and to fit the form. It is not true that my favorite sestinas sound totally like Rodney, because until this moment I had never experienced quite this kind of chocolate in my peanut butter.

:-)

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 04:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fiercelydreamed.livejournal.com
Oh, that was just great, and a perfect fit for that moment of canon. It's just got this great momentum -- whoosh, like riding in a high-volume, high-pressure pipe -- and then the last paragraph drop-kicks you off the edge of a cliff. Well done.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 04:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fiercelydreamed.livejournal.com
And then, of course, I stopped and thought, wait, sestina? And checked out the link.

Doubly cool.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-20 11:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fiercelydreamed.livejournal.com
I know what you mean about that scene -- I actually read the transcript for "The Hive" before I saw the episode, and once I saw it I was surprised by how much they played that scene (and the one before it, when he's dialing the gate) for laughs. It seems like such a desperate, dire situation, and I think it was a really odd choice to try and use it for humor. That's why I like your take on it here so much -- it's much more the reading I wish they'd chosen.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 04:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] inkscribe.livejournal.com
Woah ... I think like this all the time without any enzyme at all! O.O *giggles*

And now I know about sestinas. Thank you! :-D Very cool.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] madripoor-rose.livejournal.com
Oh, this is just perfect! Great fic.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 06:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] parisntripfan.livejournal.com
Very nice. I love the manic feel and the pace to Rodney's thoughts when he first arrived back to Atlantis.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 07:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com
This is absolutely fabulous! You're definitely right--the sestina works so well for thought patterns/dialogue like Rodney's (especially enzyme!Rodney), which is so recursive and loopy and ends up circling obsessively around a few important points. And the flow of the piece, too--the break between stanzas where the train of thought pauses for just a second before barrelling on again.
(deleted comment)

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 08:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sweeneybird.livejournal.com
oh wow - how did I not see that a sestina is the perfect format for Rodney in full-on rant mode? This was fantastic! I bet he actually thinks in sestinas all the freakin' time. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 09:35 pm (UTC)
leesa_perrie: two cheetahs facing camera and cuddling (McKay in Bush)
From: [personal profile] leesa_perrie
Really good - it really captured Enzyme Rodney (and to some extent Not-Enzyme Rodney too! LOL!). Never heard of a sestina before, but that didn't stop me enjoying the story any - it was really fast paced which suited the situation perfectly. Loved it.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-19 10:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emptybackpack.livejournal.com
Oh my God, I love you so incredibly much. This is amazing, not just because I'm stuck in Engineering 102 watching the teacher configure his tablet ineptly. You are fantastic for thinking to do this, and moreso for making it flow and oh shit I totally just got caught out not paying attention. Whoops. But yes. You make it flow, which is such a talent in the sestina. Beautiful.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-20 12:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teaphile.livejournal.com
The only poetic form I enjoy. Well done.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-20 01:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teaphile.livejournal.com
I love the acrobatics of the form. Poetry doesn't speak to me on an emotional level, so I appreciate deep structure and snappy rhythm.

If you look at my journal, my entire theme is devoted to a sestina.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-20 05:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rattlecatcher.livejournal.com
Seriously cool. And frantic, frenetic, great pacing, the way it kept pulsing along. And funny, too! :)

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-20 11:06 am (UTC)
ext_2909: (Default)
From: [identity profile] deaka.livejournal.com
Nice work! Perfectly captures the feel of the moment, and it's very much in Rodney's voice. Well done. :D

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-20 12:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rustler.livejournal.com
This is beyond clever, it's absolutely ingenious. Really well done.

Review

Date: 2007-09-21 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Omigosh, a perfect free-form sestina and so very, very, Rodney! I am marking this for re-reading.

--Silverthreads

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-22 05:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] terribilita.livejournal.com
Wow, this is pretty damn impressive. I can really hear Rodney's voice from that episode here; great sestina.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-25 04:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kyriacarlisle.livejournal.com
Brilliant! I can see the hands waving about. And, you know, "everyone around him is some shade of stupid" is a nice turn of phrase.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-09-27 02:19 am (UTC)
ext_901: (Default)
From: [identity profile] foreverdirt.livejournal.com
This is stunning -- it reads beautifully in Rodney's voice, with the repetition and structure feeling so much like the natural pattern that of course his thoughts are going to fall into. I was constantly surprised and delighted by how natural this felt. Oh, Rodney.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-12-30 11:38 pm (UTC)
sholio: sun on winter trees (Doppelganger dead)
From: [personal profile] sholio
Wow, amazing job! You got the poetic form down *and* it sounds like Rodney! Very nicely done!

I think I probably skipped this the first time because I don't normally read fic that's in the form of poetry or song lyrics because, not to put too fine a point on it, most people's attempts are goddawful. This, however, is very, very good, so kudos to you for proving my prejudices unfounded! *g*

(no subject)

Date: 2008-02-22 04:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] linziday.livejournal.com
"mm, enzyme"

*g*

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-23 10:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] secondsilk.livejournal.com
This is so very cool.
Much Rodney love.

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