MVP by Speranza

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Title: MVP (74k)
Author: Speranza
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay
Postcard: here
Summary: "All right, all right, nothing to see here," he heard Sheppard say. "You've seen one giant snake, you've seen 'em all."

Comments

[waverly.livejournal.com]

I love this. It's such a reasonable issue for Rodney to be infuriated about, the way everyone's always letting Sheppard throw himself on the grenade.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

To be fair, I'm not sure they could STOP Sheppard throwing himself on the grenade--hell, look how Elizabeth fails in Hot Zone. But yeah, it is really and completely totally infuriating!--and I liked the irony of having Rodney, top-dog and not wanting to be. *g*

*points to her icon!*

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Holy Cow. I know nothing about this fandom; just came over to look at your link technique, as you suggested for ds_flashfiction, and this story totally blew me away!
I need a word for Guh except with more of an adrenaline connotation. ;) Thanks!!!

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Hey, you're welcome! I didn't mean to pimp you, but I won't say no! *g*--SGA is a fun, fun place, but of course so is DS, and believe me, I should know. *G*

[special-trille.livejournal.com]

oh, John. It's all so true! Stop it at once! *throws Rodney at him*

(It's like throwing yourself on a live grenade, only more fun)

I really loved this fic.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Wow--we should do a "throw Rodney on John" challenge, because that would be more fun than balloons.

[vass]

I liked.

Especially the tests (I wasn't aware that personality and IQ tests were a kink of mine, but it makes sense.) Are INTPs considered to have strong leadership qualities, though? (I'm an INTP and have none at all, but that doesn't prove anything.) What would you say Rodney was, by the way? I think he has to be an introvert and a rational, but P or J?

Am I right in thinking that the evaluating psych had it right and Rodney had it wrong? John didn't want to die, he wanted and craved stimulation, of one kind or another. Another person might have chosen gambling, or extreme sports. Or sex, and he did that too. Just as dangerous a motivation, but not the same.

But then, Rodney might not draw that distinction - he might say that if you deliberately put your life in danger, then you 'have a death-wish.'

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Are INTPs considered to have strong leadership qualities, though? (I'm an INTP and have none at all, but that doesn't prove anything.)

*cough* Well, um, see, I, um--basically made everything up. I mean, I really haven't the vaguest idea. It's what I learned in graduate school--how to learn enough to be dangerous, or at least convincing. *g* I really don't know whether INTPs have leadership qualities or not, and I would have made John an INTJ except one of the betas said he was much more of a P, and I looked it up and yes, it seemed much more John-like.

About the second part of your question--Am I right in thinking that the evaluating psych had it right and Rodney had it wrong?--I think that's right, or rather, I think that they're BOTH wrong, Rodney and the shrink, because in my interpretation (which is no better than anyone else's, my authorship aside) they both mistake something circumstantial for something innate. John-as I tried to show--is not only teachable, but give him something to hang on to, and he'll hang on to it. I think John was more a creature of his deprived habits than genuinely pathological, but the sign of his essential health is that when he sees a better option: he takes it!

Great comment--thank you!

[devildoll.livejournal.com]

Very interesting take on a lot of things, especially John's psyche, but also Rodney's take on John's disposability. Definitely a re-reader.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

[chimosa.livejournal.com]

Amazing. Perfect. I'm sending lots of love and envy your way. Your dialogue is so in character, I can hear them talking in my head...at least I hope it was your dialogue and not any personal problems, heh.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

*spit-take* oh, great, another one of my readers totally loses it!...

Seriously, though--thanks. I'm glad these sounded like our guys to you! (Er, John especially, because, um, he's the one who talks to ME.

[zing_och.livejournal.com]

This is probably my favorite SGA fic altogether. Very good portrayal of John and Rodney both. I've reread it several times now - the epilogue always makes me happy again. :)

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you liked it; thank you!

[marici.livejournal.com]

So cute and happy! You get my Saturday brain-is-friend YAY, but, really really yay!

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

YAY! Delighted that you liked it!

[mangst.livejournal.com]

Fantastic. I love all the psychological work you put into this. And your dialog is very real with a great rhythm. I enjoyed this immensely

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!--I'm not sure it was a lot of psychological work, but it was a lot of imaginative work, that's for sure!

Ces "Not a Psychologist, But Sometimes I Play One in Fandom" Peranza.

[mutecornett.livejournal.com]

I've been kind of chewing MVP over in my head ever since it came out, because I couldn't figure out John's characterization at first, but now I think I like this characterization a lot--a lot a lot.

I get the impression that while John would die for his team and while he's generous with his attention, he keeps a sort of distance between himself and people in everyday interactions. So his neediness *seems* like it wouldn't fit, but it feels so natural to his character; it reminds me of how John acted in Sanctuary, where he also seemed needier than my impression of his overall character might indicate.

So for a while I was really struggling to reconcile his character with his behavior in this story, because it seemed like a big contradiction, but it makes *sense* now.

So what I mean to say is that after thinking about it for a week and a half, I've come to really adore this story. The John here is kinda spinning between detachment and neediness, a lot like the one in the show, and that contradiction is *not* glossed over or ignored here, and I really admire that.

Belatedly replying to say--

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

I get the impression that while John would die for his team and while he's generous with his attention, he keeps a sort of distance between himself and people in everyday interactions. So his neediness *seems* like it wouldn't fit

I think what you're saying about "detachment" and "neediness"--to me, those seem like two sides of the same coin. I mean, part of what I was going for was that, having made this kind of freak connection with Rodney, Rodney's now John's only outlet for certain deep emotional and sexual needs (well, or reverse that: sexual needs, certainly, at first, but emotional needs as the relationship--and the story--continues.)

That being said, though (and I feel more comfortable talking about this now that mostly everyone who's gonna read it has read it and formed their own opinions) I think John's neediness in the story has been overstated--or rather, I don't take much of John at face value, here. I tried to write him as someone interested primarily in preserving a safe, sexual outlet for himself, and I'm not even sure he understands that Rodney's offering a LOT more than that until really, really late in the story. So much so that I'm one of the people who's almost worried about Rodney, in this: I mean, Rodney literally has to handcuff John to the bed to get him to spend the night with him the first time (and initially, that scene made it a lot more clear that Rodney did that absolutely on purpose.) So John is needy on the one hand--or certainly willing to appear so to keep Rodney in a sexual relationship--and yet he has these huge committment issues on the other hand (so that the real signal of "it's okay" in the story is that John's let Rodney into his apartment. The real sex scene: Rodney moves his coffee to John's place. That's the only union that matters: my coffee, your pot. *g*) I think John has his first, Helen Kellerish moment of identification with Rodney's position when Rodney has to stay behind on Cartum--that moment of "oh, okay, wow, this is how Rodney feels when I do risky things: it hurt him! Hey, it kind of hurts me! Maybe that means something!" but even so, I don't think he gets it until Rodney tells him that he's invaluable just before the epilogue. John's like--like--(*thinking*)--somebody who knows how to pretend to be in relationships, but actually has always been going through the motions. He's--a mimic, a performer, I think--he doesn't really get people (though he pretends to.) FWIW, I think Rodney pretends NOT to get people but actually gets people fairly well: he strikes me as--believe it or not--the LESS dorky of the two in this regard. John, on the other hand, is totally faking something really key--and I'm still trying to figure out what that is, (which is what I think is driving my love of this fandom, actually, and of John in particular!)

Anyway, more than you wanted to know, but there you go! It was a really thought provoking comment for me!

[glassneko.livejournal.com]

I _really_ liked this.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad!!! Thanks for commenting!

Fb for MVP

[fledge.livejournal.com]

Bloody damn hell woman you ROCK!!!! This was an AMAZING story. I haven't READ a John so completely on track with my own view of him before, it was really a little bit scary! And totally gripping adventure, HOT sex, *kinky* hot sex, tons of fantastic humour, and I LOVE the huge misunderstanding that gets them together, and that this is only incidental to (and a distraction from) the main plot, so that by the time it ends, they've gone from first-time to well established relationship. Phew!!

And there were so many 'best bits' that I couldn't possibly list them all here, so yeah, just all around excellent fic :) Beautifully written too, and easy to read, which is a good thing, as I was racing through it on an adrenaline surge *G*

Now that's two of your stories I've adored, so I'm going to DEVOUR everything else you've ever written! Kudos };=8)

Oh, one question though -- what does 'MVP' actually mean?

Re: Fb for MVP

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Belatedly replying, though no less grateful!! I'm glad this John accords with your own: he does seem to always be pushing in front in a not entirely healthy way: first man in, last man out.

(I'm laughing a little at the "devour everything you've ever written" line, cause , uh, I've been at this pretty solidly for nine years now. So um, take breaths or whatever. *G*)

MVP is a pretty common sports term: it's "most valuable player." Someone is usually tagged MVP of a particular game, or a particular season--it's the person who did the most to contribute to the win that match, or that season.

Cheers & thanks!

[almightychrissy.livejournal.com]

This is....wow, 18 days after you posted, but I only just joined the comm and was able to read it now, so please forgive me for the belatedness :)

I sorta wanted to cry throughout most of the fic; Rodney's aching knowledge of what John was doing and, moreover, John's seeming desperation in his relationship with Rodney, it was all so clear and so effective and tore at my heart. That made the ending even sweeter. It left me smiling instead of crying, showed that maybe, in baby steps, John is starting to realize how important he is to people. Beautiful.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it; I kind of wanted the angst to be a muted, but there: John doesn't feel sorry for himself at all, which is wy I personally feel so terrible for him. *g* (Anyway--welcome, welcome to sga_flashfic!)

[bistokidsfan77.livejournal.com]

Okay...has to be the *best* John makes Rodney go gay story ever! Not to mention totally hot, fun, poignant and yeah, sexy!

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I hadn't quite thought about it as a "John makes Rodney go gay" story, but actually? I think John could make anybody or anything go gay. *g*

MVP

[(Anonymous)]

Wow! I loved it! Such insightful and psychologically captivating story. I truly love these details, that exploration of the human psyche. And the love story was great. I was a bit perturbed at first by the peculiar sexual drive of John though. He did seem awfully earnest to supply anything his partner wanted and I wondered if he would have self-esteem issues. So sad to see something like that in a charming and kind guy as him... but then I understood he was searching something which anchored him. All his recklessness and kamikaze complex were just the lack of someone who really care, were not? Your portrait of him as someone so inherently needy is brilliant, however. I never before had seen a John like yours and I liked him like this. Sheppard is often so in control of himself and his surrounds. It is great see entirely another view of him. So ripe to a shot of hurt and comfort, what is another favorite of mine. You rock, girl! Also, interesting the talk between Elizabeth and Rodney when she congratulate him and says he is invaluable to Atlantis and the mission. He is, but I am with Rodney when he say John is it too. And hint no so subtlety how he is send to dangerous missions because she and all others know John is a kamikaze. I did not note so disregard for John safety in the show but it was a great point in this story and I loved when Rodney points it to Elizabeth and she become shocked. Go Rodney! I would liked read that Elizabeth had to say to it, though. But this was a great story, all in all. It was a very emotive and profound tale and I enjoyed very much. Thanks for share it with us. PD: Oh! What was the title MVP all about? What for it stand? I am curious...

Re: MVP

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

I don't think this John has much in the way of self-esteem issues: he strikes me as a pragmatic guy who's just trying to insure he keeps getting what he wants. And MVP is a sports metaphor--Most Valuable Player.

Glad you liked and thanks for commenting!

[leodormiens.livejournal.com]

["Yes, fine, I learned something about you that--was none of my business," he confessed. "And all right, it's distracting me, my ability to--because I just can't stop thinking about--" ]

Most of the time, when the 'getting them to have sex' part of the plot is based on a misunderstanding, you can see it coming without even trying. But here it really took me by surprise. Well done. :D
And BTW, the whole story is brilliant.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I don't think, hm, it was that much of a misunderstanding--or certainly not the conventional misunderstanding. *g* (Partly because the traditional version comes from insecurity, and John here isn't insecure--if anything, he's overconfident. *G* But he mistakes concern for attraction--and who doesn't? ;) And of course it's not a misunderstanding at all; Rodney's TOTALLY attracted. *g*)

Anyway-glad you enjoyed it; I had a lot of fun with this one.

[titc.livejournal.com]

A great read, thanks!

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! Thank you so much! (And you've got the best feedback icon EVER.)

skipper_the_penguin

[(Anonymous)]

I love crazy!Shep...great job, I really lurve the ending...

The words, they tumble over .... part one

[of-fkilter.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was some good stuff. I am awed. Disclaimer: This is freakishly long rambling and I’m a recent convert who has never seen one SG even though my father (!) has sung the praises---I doubt seriously he has any clue about slash at all, and I hope never to be disillusioned from that idea. I hope that my lack of canon experience doesn’t disqualify me as a respondent!

I’ve read through most of the comments, but stuff that I wanted to say kept spilling over the edge of my mind and I had to pause to sop it up into writing before it bubbled away. I find it fascinating that so many people view the story in so many different ways, and yet it’s all good.

Rodney was amazing in this throughout. Totally my interpretation, of course, but I didn’t get that either of them were in love in any *real* sense at the start of the physical relationship. I felt that Rodney had been unofficially pitting himself against John in the “who is more valuable, who is more popular” contest, and was amazed that not only did Rodney seem to be winning, that John wasn’t even in the race! Totally throws him off balance because, as a scientist, you know that things are relative and meaningful in context, and Rodney’s measurement of his worth is meaningless if everyone isn’t using the same yardstick. Anyone who has ever fought hard competitively and won and then realized the game was rigged would understand his discomposure.

This sent Rodney into a paradigm shift and I felt his digging though the records and obsessive observations of other people’s interactions was more about trying to solve a puzzle he couldn’t quite figure. The idea and acknowledgement that people other than Rodney are important to Rodney was somewhat of a shock to him. The idea that people RODNEY thinks are important are not considered so by others was an astounding concept. He had to investigate. Rodney thought John was valuable; why didn’t other people feel that way, John included? Then again, the more he looked, the more he was wondering, “why do *I* find John important?”

I don’t think he’d come to any real conclusion when John got the wrong idea and turned Rodney’s paradigm shift into a tailspin crash into another dimension. Gave Rodney a chance to see a different, more personable side of John that not only made him more attractive, but also more infuriating as the heroics and cheerful self-depreciation shone through not just in the professional world, but also private. I read the very apt and succinct comment of the “dead man walking” and agree wholeheartedly. And heartbreaking, with Rodney increasingly desperate during the narrative as he falls head over heels into love with a charming corpse.

John seems to be a total adrenaline junkie that gets off on being needed. He has to have it, in both worlds, and figures that being willing to risk himself physically is worth it. Plus, he’s a very physical “my body is a tool, and man is it fun” kind of guy. He likes it! Sure, intelligence is to be admired, and emotions are all well and good, but his body is how he interacts with the world on all sorts of levels. He trusts physical. (cont.)

Re: The words, they tumble over .... part two

[(Anonymous)]

The story swept me in, like Rodney was swept into John’s personal sphere. He wasn’t in love with John at first, but as his feelings increase, so does his spiraling anger at the world because he’s unable to get anyone to see what becomes so obvious to him. (No, not Rodney, he never gets frustrated by idiocy!!) And he’s even more pissed because he missed it himself for so long—the rant to Elizabeth felt a lot like him yelling at himself for thinking this way before he read the reports. If there’s anything he hates more than idiots is to be an idiot himself.

I was ripped up, for both of them, when John was begging Rodney to “do anything” to him if only Rodney wouldn’t quit the arrangement/relationship. And you shredded me again when the morning had John still with Rodney, though only by being tied down, and John admitted, oblivious to what he was putting Rodney through, that he didn’t want to fuck "this" up. I could almost see the stillness in Rodney as he absorbed and accepted that John didn’t and possibly wouldn’t ever see the relationship the way Rodney wished. By the end “you were everything” is the last thing he wants John to know, and yet I got a strong impression that it was tinged with a slight bitter resignation in Rodney’s mind that John would not acknowledge or understand what he meant.

The finale was also heartbreaking and sweet when Rodney is desperate to use words and terms that would mean something to John to try to clarify his worth. He’s stumbling and rephrasing, trying to emulate the reports and not personal feelings because he thinks John will understand that, John will get that, John will …. want that, even if he might not value Rodney’s need of him. And John’s revelation is like the dawn, gradual and undefined, but distinctive in breaking from the dark---quite the turning point. His acknowledgement that Rodney is right, that without John Rodney would be dead meat, is probably more meaningful to Rodney than any simply soothing “I love you too” would be. The epilogue was outstanding, even more so because of how quietly the world clicked onto the same page for the two of them.

Okay, this is overly long and not as concise or clear as I might have hoped. But the longer I poke at it, the more likely I am not to ever submit, and I want you to at least know that your work touched me.

Your talent and hard work deserve all the praise you’ve received and more. May the voices in your head continue to pester you into writing many more stories about pretty boys. Bravo!!!

[random-fic-recs.livejournal.com]

Divine! I could feel Rodney's pain and worry and John's confusion at why Rodney was getting upset with him. Very nicely done.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! It's very appreciated.

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful, I love the development in this and there is so much hotness and such a sweet Rodney. A very enjoyable read. :)

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Thanks so very much! Glad you enjoyed it!

DUDE!!

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

*dies happy*

Re: DUDE!!

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Dude! *hugs you!*

Mmm...

[therepulsionbox.livejournal.com]

I just reread this and it gave me a very happy, dopey smile on my face *still grinning dopily 5 minutes later*.

Out of curiosity, are there any due South fics in the works *is really really quite hopeful because she loves your due South stuff*

Re: Mmm...

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

So glad you enjoyed--esp. on a reread. That's a real compliment!--because anything can hold your attention once. *g*

At the moment, there are no DS stories in the works, though that might change in the near future; pearl-o suggested we do a sisterhood challenge, and I might have something to write for that! *g* We'll see!

[pinkpapyrus.livejournal.com]

all right, so I sort of admired you like crazy before. BUT THEN THERE WAS THIS

"Dude!" Rodney said, and hugged him.

AND YOU BECAME GODLIKE. ;)

umf. so much wow. love love love. ♥ < /incoherency >

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

DUDE! *hugs you* Glad you liked it. It made me laugh and laugh. *g*

[celiaka.livejournal.com]

Read. Enjoyed. God I'm an uncreative feed-backer.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Lots! (We all have that problem some days!!!)